What is the favourite Microsoft Word font in Japan?
A Sharpei 🖊
Tomorrow is gonna be wild!
Unless you multiply yourself by the speed of light squared. Then you energy…
The cornea the better
Apparently Nancy Pelosi thought it was tearable.
You give it a weigh, give it a weigh, give it a weigh now!
and sometimes Mayo neighs.
Throw them in the mainstream
It's all in the delivery
You never know when there may be a salad dressing.
No matter how much he tried to forget about it, he just couldn't. The guilt and sense of betrayal of his patient were overwhelming. But every once in a while he'd hear an internal, reassuring voice in his head that said: "Don't worry about it. You aren't the first medical practitioner to have sex with one of his patients and you won't be the last. And you're single. Just let it go." But, invariably, another voice in his head would bring him back to reality, whispering. "You're a veterinarian, you sick bastard."
Someone is gonna die, I can feel it.
It was on its last legs.
"Son, you know that one would have been enough."
… because Dawn is tough on Greece.
You use a pumpkin patch.
But then he disappeared without a tres…
r/NASAmemesFeel free to join if you’re interested!
They both have a great time.
A young cowboy, sitting in a saloon one Saturday night, recognized an elderly man standing at the bar who, in his day, had been the fastest gun in the West. The cowboy walked over to the old-timer, bought him a drink and told him of his great ambition to be a great gunfighter. "Could you give me some tips?" he asked. The old man said, "Well, for one thing, you're wearing your gun too high — tie the holster a little lower down on your leg." "Will that make me a better gunfighter?" "Sure will." The young man did as he was told, then stood up, whipped out his .44, and shot the bow tie off the piano player. "That's terrific!" exclaimed the cowboy. "Got any more tips?" "Yep," said the old man. "Cut a notch out of your holster where the hammer hits it — that'll give you a smoother draw." "Will that make me a better gunfighter?" asked the young man. "You bet it will," said the old-timer. The young man took out his knife, cut the notch, stood up, drew his gun in a blur, and then shot a cuff link off the piano player. "Wow!" said the cowboy excitedly, "I'm learnin' somethin' here. Got any more tips?" The old man pointed to a large can in a corner of the saloon. "See that can of axle grease over there? Coat your gun with it." The young man smeared some of the grease on the barrel of his gun. "No," said the old-timer, "I mean smear it all over the gun, the handle, and all." "Will that make me a better gunfighter?" asked the puzzled young man. "No," said the old-timer, "but when Wyatt Earp gets done playing the piano, he's gonna shove that gun up your ass, and it won't hurt near as much."
it's all about raisin awareness
In a cult, there is someone on top that knows it’s all nonsense. In a religion that person is dead.
A time traveller walks into a bar.
You have a one-track mind.
Give it a weigh, give a weigh, give it a weigh now!!
You say Cheese!
The bartender replies "Free". The customer, completely amazed, orders a beer then asks the bartender "Well then how much for a NY sirloin, with side of mashed potatoes and salad, and an entire cheesecake for desert?" The Bartender replies "Free". The guy, still amazed, then orders everything and after he is done eating his meal, then says "Wow, this place is amazing, I really wish I could meet the owner of this place". The bartender then says "Oh well, he's upstairs in his office with my wife". The guy looks all confused, then asks "What is he doing upstairs in his office with your wife?" The bartender then says "The same thing I'm doing to his business".
because its dead
Something inside me says yes.
I met a guy who was convinced that there were no words in the English language with more syllables than vowels….
I tried to explain to him that he was wrong, but he refused to accept criticism…
I'm finally above average for something
My daughter, Chewbacca, not so much