what is the sound of an ambulance in an anime?
Were the first form of pop up notifications
That was a trip down memory lane
Now I’m in hot water with the Japanese mafia.
The turbine says “I’m a massive heavy metal fan”
It really means a lot to them.
Not screaming like the passengers in the car.
The student comes up to the professor, "What is this, why did you grade me an 80?" The professor looks at the exam again, "Yep, an 80 is what you deserve" The student takes the exam back, and asks "If I'll bite my own eye, will you give me an 85?" The professor is surprised, but still he agrees, at which point the student then takes out his glass eye – and bites it. The shocked professor then takes the exam back, and marks it 85. The student then says "If I'll bite my nose, will you give me a 90?" The professor is once again shocked, "He can't pull out his nose" he thinks to himself. He finally agrees, at which point the student takes out his dentures, and bites his own nose. The professor then once again takes the exam, and marks the grade 90. The student then makes another offer: "If I'll get up on this table, and pee the perfume Coco Chanel on you, will you give me a 100?" The professor now has to see what this kid can do, so he agrees. The student goes on the table, and pees all over the professor, the professor's shirt is soaking wet, as he goes to to sniff it. "What the hell?! This isn't Coco Chanel! This is piss!" The student then goes "Fine, we'll leave it at 90".
Now i’m really scared of arson
The bartender asks "Why the long face?" The man replies "I just found out my wife is sleeping with another man. I've decided I'm going to drink myself to death." The bartender looks shocked and says "I'm sorry I can't help you kill yourself." The man asks "Well what would you do in my situation?" The bartender puffs himself up a bit and says "If I found out a guy was sleeping with my wife I wouldn't sit around feeling sorry for myself, I'd kill the guy." The man jumps up from his stool and shouts "That's a great idea! Thanks!" and runs out of the bar. A couple hours goes by and the bartender is starting to get nervous when the man walks back into the bar with a smile on his face. "Did you kill the guy?" The bartender asks nervously. "Nope! I slept with your wife. Whiskey please
She says “Stay here, I have to do laundry really quickly.” Out of nowhere, her sexy sister comes in and sits by me. She asks “Do you want to have sex before she gets back?” I got up and went straight to my car. My girlfriend was outside the door and hugged me, and said “I knew I could trust you.” Moral of the story: always leave your condoms in the car.
That priest is in prison now
My ex got hit with a bus and I lost my job as a bus driver.
Quit shaking the ladder you little bastard!!!
I guess I wasn't putting in enough shifts
Spent the whole day looking up at the giant sculptures , I discovered a new species. Myneckisaur. This is my first dad joke post 🙂
Where have you been for the last 20 years?
Me: “Hi Pregnant, I’m Dad.” Wife: “No you’re not.”
Did you know cannibals don’t exist anymore… I ate the last one yesterday
They were out standing in their field
…that's the a last time I use 1-ply toilet paper
He said it was absolutely sublime.
It's really time consuming. Especially if you go for seconds.
From a distance they will look like hares.
Mountain climbing with a friend is hard.