What is Yoda’s last name?
Lay hee hoo
My dad kept making a joke about interrupting cow
He was obviously milking it
Did you hear about the two houses across the neighborhood from each other that fell in love?
It was a lawn distance relationship.
A woman was in bed with her lover when she heard her husband opening the front door
"Hurry!" she said, "stand in the corner." She quickly rubbed baby oil all over him and then she dusted him with talcum powder. "Don't move until I tell you to," she whispered. "Just pretend you're a statue." "What's this, honey?" the husband inquired as he entered the room. "Oh, it's just a statue," she replied nonchalantly. "The Smiths bought one for their bedroom. I liked it so much, I got one for us too." No more was said about the statue, not even later that night when they went to sleep. Around two in the morning the husband got out of bed, went to the kitchen and returned a while later with a sandwich and a glass of milk. "Here," he said to the 'statue', "eat something. I stood like an idiot at the Smiths' for three days and nobody offered me as much as a glass of water."
What’s a pirates least favourite letter?
Dear sir, Your internet access has been terminated due to illegal usage. Sincerely, your service provider.
It used to be that when people would tell me to go to Hell, I’d say “I don’t believe in Hell.”
But then I got married.
If I got $1 every time a woman said I was’t her type
I'd be her type.
What do you call a fat psychic?
A four-chin teller.
![[NSFW] Triple D Boobs](https://jokejet.com/wp-content/uploads/2019/06/sID9hHy-400x659.jpg)
I used to be scared of pretty girls,
So my Mom explained that was silly, because they're much more scared of me.
I gave up my seat in the bus for a blind person.
That is how i lost my job as a bus driver.
I prefer to have my milk churned.
It’s butter that way.
Why did the blind girl fall into the well?
She couldn’t see that well
A man and his wife checked into a hotel.
An hour after checking in, the man calls the front desk. Man- "My wife and I had a fight and she is going to jump out the window." Help desk- " It's your personal matter and we cant help in this situation. " Man- " Personal matter my ass the window doesn't open."
Breaking: Donald Trump Jr. and Eric Trump have both been diagnosed with Bone Spurs.
https://ift.tt/2FfFcj5
A year ago, my physician told me I would be going deaf.
I haven't heard from him since.
Apparently you can’t use “beef stew” as a password.
It’s not stroganoff.
I got hit in the head with a can of Diet Coke today.
Don't worry, I'm not hurt. It was a soft drink.
What breed of dog leaves permanent paw prints?
A Sharpei 🖊
Just heard that Harry is thinking of taking up painting full time after stepping down from the Royal family.
He'll be the artist formerly known as Prince.
Why does Waldo wear stripes?
So he isn’t spotted
My wife tells me I should never steal kitchen utensils…
…but it's a whisk that I'm willing to take
Why do farmers hang bells around the necks off their cows?
Because the horns doesnt work
Whats the difference between in-laws and outlaws?
Outlaws are wanted.
Mom, I’m dating a man.
-Whom, sweetheart? -Dante the mailman. -Dante the mailman? But he could be your father! -But mom, age is just a number. -Sweetheart, I don't think you understood.
A small boy asks his Dad, “Daddy, what is politics?”
Dad says, "Well son, let me try to explain it this way: I'm the breadwinner of the family, so let's call me Capitalism. Your mom, she's the administrator of the money, so we'll call her the Government. We're here to take care of your needs, so we'll call you the People. The nanny, we'll consider her the Working Class. And your baby brother, we'll call him the Future. Now, think about that and see if that makes sense." So the little boy goes off to bed thinking about what Dad has said. Later that night, he hears his baby brother crying, so he gets up to check on him. He finds that the baby has severely soiled his diaper. The little boy goes to his parents' room and finds his mother sound asleep. Not wanting to wake her, he goes to the nanny's room. Finding the door locked, he peeks in the keyhole and sees his father having sex with the nanny. He gives up and goes back to bed. The next morning, the little boy says to his father, "Dad, I think I understand the concept of politics now." The father says, "Good, son, tell me in your own words what you think politics is all about." The little boy replies, "Well, while Capitalism is screwing the Working Class, the Government is sound asleep, the People are being ignored and the Future is in Deep Shit." Edit: Thank you for silver
Talking to my girlfriend… does this count?
Gf: “I don’t know what you see in me.” Me: “Nothing, I don’t have x-ray vision.” Gf: “You know what I mean.” Me: “Nope. Don’t have telepathy either.”
