What is Yoda’s last name?
Me (checking my sock): no it doesn’t! Dad: well, how did you get your foot in?
She asked me why and I said that everytime we get home, I say hello to him and ask how his day was. He answers with "Rough! Rough!"
Now I have stable wifi
Say 'Gucci Gucci Gucci'
People are dying to get there.
There are no firearms allowed in this building.
Not screaming like the people in the back of his car.
You're missing gout.
Her: Can you look upstairs? Me: I can't look up anything
why don't skeletons go trick or treating? Because they have nobody to go with haha
everyone starts acting like you've been best friends since 1st grade once they see what you have.
Ever try to iron one?
One of them goes to a family in Egypt and is named Amal. The other goes to a family in Spain. They name him Juan. Years later, Juan sends a picture of himself to his birth mother. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wishes she also had a picture of Amal. He responds, "They're twins! If you've seen Juan, you've seen Amal
They are calling it the wurst käse scenario.
But for mathematicians, it's just right.
Three brothers age 92, 94 and 96 live in a house together. One night the 96 year old draws a bath, puts his foot in and pauses. He yells down the stairs, "Was I getting in or out of the bath?" The 94 year old yells back, "I don't know, I'll come up and see." He starts up the stairs and pauses, then he yells, "Was I going up the stairs or coming down?" The 92 year old was sitting at the kitchen table having coffee listening to his brothers. He shakes his head and says, "I sure hope I never get that forgetful." He knocks on wood for good luck. He then yells, "I'll come up and help both of you as soon as I see who's at the door."
Two loading animations!
In a dad-a-base
She was afraid of kermitment
My dad: “None that I’ve seen!”
I was beginning to get annoyed about it but then I realised I'd left my phone in Airplane mode.
No text found
A black hole walks into a bar and orders a drink. The bartender asks if it would like food with that. The black hole says, "No thanks, I'm a light eater."
I love foreign axe scents.
I planted myself on my couch at the beginning of March and I've grown significantly since.
I'll meat you in the middle.
One says to the other 'I bet I can get dressed faster than you' So each hurriedly puts their socks on, followed by their underwear and trousers, both at the same time. Now the hard part! Each fumbled frantically with their buttoned shirts, quickly but painstakingly ensuring that each button was right – a minute or so later each finished the last button at the same time. The heat was on! It was all down to the last item of clothing! It was a tie.
I just like the way it smells.