What really happens during science bowl practice
There was nothing but de brie.
He keeps a log.
While taking a left turn the boyfriend asks " Babe , can you check if the indicator is working. " The blonde look around and says " Yes No Yes No Yes No Yes No Yes No Yes No Yes No Yes No Yes No Yes No Yes No Yes No Yes…"
They said, “Maybe you should check your junk.”
You have to drop the bomb twice before she finally gets it
Hey everyone,A lot to cover in this post, but first of all, just wanted to note that the People’s Choice Winner of the Hackathon was voted to be selfCAPTCHA (/u/selfCAPTCHA), so congratulations to its author. We’ll be hosting the next Hackathon sometime next summer.With that aside, we’re finally ready to implement a big rule change that should hopefully improve the content quality of the subreddit. Every Monday, starting November 18th, will now be declared a Memeless Monday. This means:For the duration of this day, all image jokes must only use OC meme templates or not use any template at all (i.e. not be a meme).We won’t check for OC very thoroughly – if it isn’t on knowyourmeme and isn’t a quick edit of a template on kym, you’re probably fine.All posts made which break the above criterion will be removed; no strikes will be administered for this violation.We’ll be pinning reminders every Monday to ensure nobody is left in the dark about the rule change. If we find that this isn’t increasing subreddit quality at all (at least for a short period of the week), we’ll either modify or abandon the change. If you have any feedback which you feel will make Memeless Mondays more effective, please do leave it below.Due to user feedback, we won’t be moving the subreddit to approval only (which was probably entirely unrealistic in the first place).Now, mod applications – like programming? Hate memes? Did the previous paragraph give you a burning desire to routinely exterminate them every Monday? Do you use Arch? We’ve got a position for you. We’re looking for a few active, passionate (as if) moderators preferably in the Eastern Hemisphere (if you’re not, still feel free to apply). Previous experience is always good but being reasonable, active on Reddit and knowing some programming is even better. Apply here.Thanks for reading. Now go and make some relevant, high quality, funny jokes or we’ll just end up automating the entire subreddit, it would be a lot less work on our side.
A guy goes into the US postal service to apply for a job. The interviewer asks him, "Are you allergic to anything?" He replies, "Yes, caffeine. I can't drink coffee." "OK, have you ever been in the military service?" "Yes," he says, "I was in Afghanistan for one tour." The interviewer says, "that will give you 5 extra points toward employment." Then he asks, "Are you disabled in any way?" The guy says, "yes. A bomb exploded near me and I lost both my testicles." The interviewer grimaces and then says, "disabled in your country's service! Well that qualifies for extra bonus points. Okay. Looking at the regulations you have got enough points for me to hire you right now. Our normal hours are from 8:00 AM to 4:00 PM. You can start tomorrow at 10:00 am, and plan on starting at 10:00 AM every day." The guy is puzzled and asks, "if the work hours are from 8:00AM to 4:00 PM , why don't you want me here until 10:00 AM ?" "This is a government job , " the interviewer says. "For the first two hours, we just stand around drinking coffee and scratching our balls. No point in you coming in for that."
I was Gherkin off
She's not nosey, just terrible at parking!
Because you look like a Queue
The current version has a nasty virus
I love you honeydew, but I cantaloupe.
I said I'm not sure but I can definitely perform "another one bites the dust"
I texted her, “Oh pun the door!”
She’s obviously wrong. Why else am I refusing to leave the casino until I win my daughter’s college tuition money back?
She said she was sorry she ever married me.
Just learned about this shower thing, pretty cool
She really wanted a daughter.
Only a fraction of people will find this funny.
It’s an extremely rare dish order.
but it's literally 50%
Mom: Don't settle for this, you deserve better.. Me: But mom, I lov….. Mom: I was talking to her.
One’s an elephant.
and I woke up bald
1. 2. 3.
Please come quickly.
Don’t worry, I’m clean now.
Pop! Also this is my first joke, so sorry if someone has made it before but I haven't seen it yet
I said, “What’s going on?” “You tell me?” replied my wife. I said, “I don’t know, you’re sitting on the sofa with a stranger.” “A stranger, hey?” shouted my girlfriend, “I’m no stranger, we’ve been having sex for six months!” I looked at my wife and said, “Is this true?”
Edit: Wow! This blew up! Thanks for the gold!
the wedding wasn't much to speak of, but the reception was excellent.
I said, "No, I'll have to go to the kitchen."
But now I can look back and laugh.
Dad joke: So I saw this dude walking around with a long pole. I asked him, “Are you a pole vaulter”?
He said "Nein, I am ze German… but tell me, but how did you know my name ist Walter?"/
A time traveller walks into a bar.
Dad: Sure! But can you pass me my dadglasses first?
Can’t say I’m surprised.
My dad and I are going out tonight and I asked if he could pick me up. He said "I think so – I've been working out!"
But you know what they say, old habits pulp fiction.
It scares the hell out of the dog.