What was Elsa doing when Anna was breaking the dam wall?
Why is every gender equality officer female?
Because its cheaper
A truck loaded with Vicks Vapour Rub crashed on the freeway today.
There was no congestion for 8 hours.
My bedroom light just went out.
I have no idea where it's going.
When a short person waves at you….
Its called a microwave
I tried to organize a Hide and Seek tournament, but I eventually gave up.
Good players are hard to find.
Did you know you can tell the sex of an ant by floating it in water?
If it floats it's boy ant
A homosexual, a con artist and a child molester walk into a bar.
"What can I get you, father," asks the bartender.
I failed my Calculus exam because I was seated between two identical twins.
It was hard to differentiate between them.
I made these propaganda posters to help clear up some of the administration’s messaging
https://ift.tt/2YcFsu4
Why do people in Athens hate getting up early ?
Because dawn is tough on Greece
When I was in college, I used to drink beer in my underwear.
Now I use a glass.
A Politician, Sexual Predator and Criminal walk into a bar
Bartender says "What can I get for you Mr. President?"
A lemon, a potato, and a pea all had a tough week working at the grocery store…
…so they decided to let off some steam with a bar crawl at the weekend. They had a great time, hitting bar after bar, knocking back drinks, but being so genetically different, the alcohol affected them each in different ways: the lemon got very acidic and refluxy; the potato, being a big starchy chap, took the booze in his stride; while the little pea reached to all the sugar and started to get a touch hyperactive. At the end of the night, the three friends found themselves leaving a bar at the top of a tall hill, when all of a sudden the pea started bouncing up and down excitedly: "Lads! Lads! I've got a great idea! We’re all vaguely round in shape, let's not get a cab home, let's just roll down the hill!" and before the others could protest he was off – shooting down the hill at a rate of knots. The lemon lurched after him, but soon started listing violently from side to side as he went, owing to his oval shape, which did nothing for his unsettled stomach. With a sigh, the potato trundled along slowly behind. By the time the potato had bounced his way to the bottom of the hill, the lemon was spewing lemon juice all over the pavement, but the pea was already jumping up and down again "that was great, that was great, let's do it again!". The lemon was now chundering up pips with the acid, but the pea didn't seem to care "Come on! let's go again, that was great!". The potato turned to him and said "Easy peasy, lemon's queasy."
Does anyone know Bruce Lee’s dad’s name?
It's always been a Mr. Lee to me.
I wrote a joke about minorities.
It's a bit different to the other ones you've heard.
In a nutshell, an acorn is just an oak tree
No text found
I have some jokes about unemployed people.
But I know they won't work.
I just witnessed a guy getting shot with a paintball gun.
He dyed on impact.
Two nuns stand by the road, holding a sign..
"The way you've taken is wrong, stop and turn back now, before it's too late!" The next busy driver, who looks at the inscription, shows a sparse finger and disappears behind the curve. A second later a loud crash is heard. One of the nuns thoughtfully says, -Sister, shall we just write: "Attention, the bridge is demolished?"
Yesterday I watched a match of women’s volleyball, and 10 minutes into the game there was a wrist injury.
But by tomorrow I should be fine again.
I just got over my addiction to chocolate, marshmallows and nuts
I won't lie, it was a Rocky Road.
To be frank…
i'd have to change my name
My wife and I argued about the roof of a building.
I hope it doesn't terrace apart.
To all the ladies and gents who aren’t getting the V or the D in Valentine’s day
Happy Alentine's Ay