What was the name of the werewolf YouTuber?
Lycan Subscribe
Nothing tops a plain pizza.
No text found
What do you call a hippie’s wife?
A Mississippi.
A Newlywed Couple Waited for Marriage to Have Sex…
A couple wanted to wait to have sex until the night of their wedding. As the big day got closer the bride tells the groom she has a confession to make. "I am as flat as a board. I'm sorry, I have been using the best padded bras on the market to make people believe I actually have breasts. I hope this isn't a deal-breaker." "Oh thank God!" the groom exclaims. "I have a secret too…my penis is the size of a newborn." The couple is so happy they've aired their most embarrassing information and relieved the other is okay with it. The wedding day comes and goes and the husband and wife start to undress in front of each other for the first time. The bride takes off her dress, unfastens her bra, and as she said her chest looked like a wall with nipples, no boobs at all. Then the groom takes off his suit, drops his underwear, and reveals a monstrously large penis. So large it is almost grotesque. "I thought you said that was going to be as small as a newborn?" she asked. He answers, "well it is, it's 19 inches long and weighs 8 lbs…are you ready?"
I have an unoriginal joke.
But you probably Reddit
When does a joke become a dad joke?
When it becomes apparent
Kissing half a billion dollars goodbye… Bloomberg’s worst return on an investment
https://ift.tt/2ToqSMU
During one of her daily classes, a teacher trying to teach good manners asked her students the following question:
"Michael, if you were on a date having dinner with a nice young lady, how would you tell her that you have to go to the bathroom?" Michael said: "Just a minute I have to go pee." The teacher responded by saying: "That would be rude and impolite. What about you Sherman, how would you say it?" Sherman said: "I am sorry, but I really need to go to the bathroom. I'll be right back." "That's better, but it's still not very nice to say the word bathroom at the dinner table. And you, little Johnny, can you use your brain for once and show us your good manners?" Johnny said: "I would say: Darling, may I please be excused for a moment? I have to shake hands with a very dear friend of mine, who I hope to introduce you to after dinner."
Whats the difference between a dirty bus stop and a lobster with tits?
Ones a crusty bus station and the other is a busty crustacean.
My Dad just hit me with this one
A song came on on the speakers and I asked "Is this green Day?" He replied "No, it's valentine's Day"
Doctor just told a nun that she is pregnant.
Nun: "Doctor, you can't be serious – I haven't had sex with a man even once in my entire life! I am saving myself for God!" Doc: "Sorry, but the tests show undoubtedly that you are pregnant…" Nun leaves the doctor in anger and bursts back into church shouting: "Ok, who in the name of the God HAD CUM ONTO THE CANDLES!!!"
If you stand by the sea…
…it sounds like putting a shell to your ear.
To be Frank
I’d have to change my name
What does a house wear?
Address
The girl with the big booty and a lisp wasn’t at work
She must have called in thick
I zipped up my jeans and got my penis caught in the zipper. I painfully shouted out…..
"Username checks out"
Why do trees look a little suspicious on sunny days?
They seem a bit shady.
I have a friend named Bob
He hates it when I say his name backwards
Little Suzie walks in on her parents having sex.
She's told to wait downstairs. Her mother comes down first and tries to console her. Mommy, what were you doing to daddy? Well sweetheart, you know how your father's a little overweight? Every day I bounce up and down on top of him to let some of the air out. The little girl starts laughing. What's so funny hunny? You're wasting your time mommy. Every day when you go to work, the neighbor comes over and blows him right back up!
A Roman walks into a bar…
and holds up two fingers exclaiming "Five beers please!"…
What is the benefit of living in Switzerland?
Well the flag is a big plus
Job Interview: “What is your greatest weakness”
"Honesty" "I don't think honesty is a weakness." "I don't give a fuck what you think."
What’s the difference between swine flu and bird flu?
Swine Flu requires oinkment and Bird Flu requires Tweetment
When people complain about php’s security, i need this picture to explain the scenario
https://ift.tt/2p6ZLtd
Which weighs less; butane, gasoline or water?
Butane, because it's lighter fluid…
This guy walks into a quiet bar.
He is carrying three ducks, one in each hand, and one under his left arm. He places them on the bar. He has a few drinks and chats with the bartender. The bartender is experienced, and has learned not to ask people about the animals that they bring into the bar, so he doesn't mention the ducks. They chat for about 30 minutes before the guy with the ducks has to go to the restroom. The ducks are left on the bar. The bartender is alone with the ducks. There is an awkward silence. The bartender decides to try to make some conversation. "What's your name?" He says to the first duck. "Huey" replies the first duck. "How's your day been, Huey?" "Great. Lovely day. Had a ball. Been in and out of puddles all day." "Oh. That's nice," says the Bartender. Then he says to the second duck "Hi, and what's your name?" "Dewey," came the answer. "So how's your day been, Dewey?" "Great. Lovely day. Had a ball. Been in and out of puddles all day. If I had the chance another day I would do the same again." So the bartender turns to the third duck and says, "So, you must be Louie." "No," growls the third duck, "my name is Puddles, and don't ask about my day."
A blind man enter a bar…
and find his way to a barstool. After ordering a drink, and sitting there for a while, the blind guy yells to the bartender, “Hey, you wanna hear a blonde joke?” The bar immediately becomes absolutely quiet. In a husky, deep voice,the woman next to him says, “Before you tell that joke, you should know something. The bartender is blonde, the bouncer is blonde and I’m a 6′ tall, 200 pound blonde with a black belt in karate. What’s more, the fella sitting next to me is blonde and he’s a weightlifter. The woman to your right is a blonde, and she’s a pro wrestler. You still wanna tell that blonde joke?” The blind man replies “Nah, not if I’m gonna have to explain it five times.”
We should use Hillary Clinton’s emails to build a wall
Because a lot of people can't seem to get over it.
I wasn’t sure what to wear to my Pre-Mature Ejaculators Anonymous meeting…
so I just came in my pants.
If you are on a blind date, try opening with a joke you found here on this sub.
That way you can make sure it’s not some weirdo who is on Reddit.
We all know where the big apple is, but do you know where…
The Minneapolis?
Roses are red,
My screen is blue, I think I deleted system32.
Have you ever tried eating a clock?
It’s really time-consuming, especially if you go for seconds.
My wife thinks I don’t give her enough privacy
At least that’s what her diary said
What do you call a tire in a tuxedo?
Formalatire.
India is a very peaceful country.
Because nobody has any beef over there.
How do you tell between a boy ant and a girl ant?
Drop it in water. If it sinks, it's a girl ant. If it floats, it's boyant