What would you do?
In college, I lived in a houseboat and started dating the girl next door.
Eventually we drifted apart.
Mess up the formatting
How do you ruin a joke?
I thought I won the argument with my wife as to how to arrange the dining room furniture…
But when I got home, the tables were turned…
I dated a communist once. I had no idea. She seemed sweet. But it did NOT end well
Honestly I should have noticed all the red flags
Asked my date to meet me at the gym, but she never showed up.
Guess the two of us aren't going to work out.
My penis was in the Guiness Book of World Records.
Until the police came and removed me from the library.
It wasn’t much fun when I broke my neck last year.
But now I can look back and laugh.
I invented a new word
Plagiarism
I bought an alcoholic ginger beer.
He wasn’t happy
What does a gun and a pack of gum have in common?
Everyone suddenly wants to be your friend when you take it out at school.
I managed to lose my rifle when I was in the army. I had to pay $1000 to cover the loss.
I understand now why a Navy captain always goes down with his ship.
My girlfriend told me she was leaving me because I keep pretending to be a Transformer,
I said, "No, wait! I can change."
A student visits the principal’s office one day and the principal says to him, “What’s your name, son?” He replies: “D-d-d-dav-dav-david, sir.” The principal looks up and asks him, “Oh, do you have a stutter?”
The student replies, “No sir, my dad has a stutter, but the guy who registered my name was an asshole.”
What did the left eye say to the right eye?
"Between you and me, something smells" (Credit to a 9 y.o. I thought it was funny)
Why do chicken coops have 2 doors?
Because if they had 4 doors, they would be chicken sedans.
For those of you who were superstitious yesterday, today should be worse…
It's Pi day the 14th, expect irrational fear
What happens when you eat Aluminium foil?
You sheet metal.
![[NSFW] Too many men, very less time!](https://jokejet.com/wp-content/uploads/2019/08/010dqvpm9xh31-400x385.jpg)
There is a good chance you’ll fail your calculus exam if you are sitting between identical twins.
Because it’s hard to differentiate between them.
I went to the pet shop and asked for 12 bees
The clerk counted out 13 bees and handed them over. “You’ve given me one too many” I said. “That one is a freebie”
What does a Hawaiian Muslim say?
Aloha Akbar
Authentic genuine 1964 boomer humor found in a men’s magazine in a secret wall stash
https://ift.tt/2YmQDhV
It’s my cake day, so better post a joke about cakes… Why couldn’t the Teddy bear finish his birthday cake?
Because he was already stuffed… Sorry, I'll do better next year – definitely Muffin that I will repeat again!
Apparently there is bi-partisan agreement in Congress that medicinal marijuana should be allowed for the purpose of relieving arthritis pain. In other words…
…there is joint support for joint support for joint support…
I used to think all black people had boomboxes.
Turned out it was just a stereo type.
Did you know the first French fry wasn’t cooked in France?
It was cooked in Greece
What is Pac-Man’s favorite cooking utensil?
A wok a wok a wok a wok a wok a wok a wok a wok a wok a wok…
A dung beetle walked into a bar and said
Is this stool taken?
For lifelong French bakers,
existence is pain.
Who can drink two liters of gasoline?
Jerry can!
A cowboy is captured by indians. The chief tells the cowboy they’ll grant 3 requests before they scalp him.
The cowboy thinks a minute then says, " I wish to say goodbye to my horse then to set him free." So they bring him his horse, he whispers in its ear then sets him off into the sunset. He tells the chief he needs to mull over the third request and the chief agrees to wait until sunset. As the sun dips in the sky, here comes the horse back, with a beautiful brunette in the saddle. "Is this your last request?" the chief asks. "Uh, no," says the cowboy. "My last request is to say goodbye to my horse once more." "Ok…" says the chief. The cowboy leans into his horses ear and hisses, "You idiot! I said 'Posse! Posse!"
Duck fart
My daughter just looked at me funny when I farted next to her on the couch. She said it sounded like a duck. I replied with "Obviously, it came from my buttquack."
What part of your body is the last to die?
Your eyes, cause they dilate
Post Malone just suspended his tour.
That makes him Postponed Malone.
Apparently there is bi-partisan agreement in Congress that medicinal marijuana should be allowed for the purpose of relieving arthritis pain…
In other words, there is joint support for joint support for joint support…