Eventually we drifted apart.
How do you ruin a joke?
But when I got home, the tables were turned…
Honestly I should have noticed all the red flags
Guess the two of us aren't going to work out.
Until the police came and removed me from the library.
But now I can look back and laugh.
He wasn’t happy
Everyone suddenly wants to be your friend when you take it out at school.
I understand now why a Navy captain always goes down with his ship.
I said, "No, wait! I can change."
A student visits the principal’s office one day and the principal says to him, “What’s your name, son?” He replies: “D-d-d-dav-dav-david, sir.” The principal looks up and asks him, “Oh, do you have a stutter?”
The student replies, “No sir, my dad has a stutter, but the guy who registered my name was an asshole.”
"Between you and me, something smells" (Credit to a 9 y.o. I thought it was funny)
Because if they had 4 doors, they would be chicken sedans.
It's Pi day the 14th, expect irrational fear
You sheet metal.
No text found
Because it’s hard to differentiate between them.
The clerk counted out 13 bees and handed them over. “You’ve given me one too many” I said. “That one is a freebie”
It’s my cake day, so better post a joke about cakes… Why couldn’t the Teddy bear finish his birthday cake?
Because he was already stuffed… Sorry, I'll do better next year – definitely Muffin that I will repeat again!
Apparently there is bi-partisan agreement in Congress that medicinal marijuana should be allowed for the purpose of relieving arthritis pain. In other words…
…there is joint support for joint support for joint support…
Turned out it was just a stereo type.
It was cooked in Greece
A wok a wok a wok a wok a wok a wok a wok a wok a wok a wok…
Is this stool taken?
existence is pain.
A cowboy is captured by indians. The chief tells the cowboy they’ll grant 3 requests before they scalp him.
The cowboy thinks a minute then says, " I wish to say goodbye to my horse then to set him free." So they bring him his horse, he whispers in its ear then sets him off into the sunset. He tells the chief he needs to mull over the third request and the chief agrees to wait until sunset. As the sun dips in the sky, here comes the horse back, with a beautiful brunette in the saddle. "Is this your last request?" the chief asks. "Uh, no," says the cowboy. "My last request is to say goodbye to my horse once more." "Ok…" says the chief. The cowboy leans into his horses ear and hisses, "You idiot! I said 'Posse! Posse!"
My daughter just looked at me funny when I farted next to her on the couch. She said it sounded like a duck. I replied with "Obviously, it came from my buttquack."
Your eyes, cause they dilate
That makes him Postponed Malone.
Apparently there is bi-partisan agreement in Congress that medicinal marijuana should be allowed for the purpose of relieving arthritis pain…
In other words, there is joint support for joint support for joint support…