What’s an atom with a bad sense of humor?
Not a laughing matter.
One of the bags had a small tear, and 20$ bills kept on falling from the bag. A policeman saw this and he stopped her. Policeman: Madam, you are dropping 20$ bills Old lady: Oh thank you so much, sir. ( Starts picking up the bills ) Policeman: Btw, where did you get all of this money? Did you steal? Old lady: Well, it's a long story. You see, what happened was, my house is next to a golf course. There is a hole on my fence. People keep coming and they pee in my garden from the hole. One day, I thought why not take this opportunity to make some money? So when they start pissing, I grab their penis and tell them to give 20$ bills or I will chop it off! This is how I earned these 20$ bills, officer. Policeman: Good to know. By the way, what's in the other bag? Old lady: Well not all of them pay.
Now, when I talk, I have this weird Axe-scent
His exact words were, “When I want your fucking advice, I’ll ask for it.”
I probably should've stopped when I got to her name
mine is physicsView Poll
A duck that didnt duck
A northern fairytale begins "Once upon a time…" A southern fairytale begins "Y'all ain't gonna believe this shit…"
It's only when I got home I realised I had picked 7 up.
On the plus side, he makes great Subway sandwiches.
A liquor cabinet.
Me: Dang, 68? Can you make that number a little cooler so I can hear the judge saying it out loud? Cop: Sure whatever [Later in traffic court] Judge: How were you going 420 in a 55?
A carrot 🥕
Three brothers were competing to see who was able to give their elderly mother the best birthday gift
The first one bought her a mansion. The second one bought her a Porsche. The third one, knowing how religious their mom is, bought her a remarkable parrot. It took 18 monks 10 years to teach him how to recite the whole Bible. It’s one of a kind, it cost 20 million dollars. After some time, their mother sent out her letters of thanks: "John," she wrote to the first one, "The mansion you bought is too big. I live in only one room, but I have to clean the entire house." "Peter," she wrote to the second one, "I’m too old to travel. I stay most of the time at home, so I rarely use the Porsche." "Dearest Samuel," she wrote to her third son, "You have the good sense to know what your mother likes. That chicken was absolutely delicious!"
Just don’t pick it up.
He'll be born in April
I mean, how low can you go?
But most only have 4 🙂
He didn't wipe the fingerprints off the gun.
Doesn’t matter, he ain’t coming.
They’ll lower the coffin into the grave, realize they put it in the wrong way and have to do it again.
….most crows drank at home.
Because your best friend gives you space when you need it.