What’s the dumbest animal in the jungle??
A polar bear
What do you call cold Mexican food?
Chillychangas
How many police officers does it take to change a light bulb?
None they just beat the room for being black
A couple both age 67, went to a sex therapist’s office.
The doctor asked, "What can I do for you?" The man said, "Will you watch us have sex?" The doctor looked puzzled, but agreed. When the couple finished, the doctor said, "There's nothing wrong with the way you have intercourse", and charged them $50. This happened several weeks in a row. The couple would take an appointment, have intercourse with no problems, pay the doctor then leave. Finally the doctor asked, "Just exactly what are you trying to find out?" The old man said, "We're not trying to find out anything. She's married and we can't go to her house. I'm married and we can't go to my house. The Holiday Inn charges $90.The Hilton charges $108. We do it here for $50, and I get $43 back from my medicare."
Started a new job recently and my fiance asked me if there was a gym in my building…
I said, not sure I haven't met everyone yet. She was not amused.
[At the wedding] Priest: Repeat after me…
Groom: After me.. Priest, looking at bride: Is he serious? Bride: No, his name is Mike.
I had a dream that I was swimming in an ocean of orange soda.
I guess you could say it was more of a Fanta sea.
Light travels faster than sound
which is why you seemed bright until you spoke.
My Lesbian neighbours Eva and Julia asked me to help them conceive a child recently.
They said they wouldn’t mind if we did it the “old fashioned way” as they weren't man haters! For six months now we’ve been trying but I just don’t have the heart to tell them I had a vasectomy last year.
Did you hear the joke about the dyslexic man?
He walked into a bra…
Since I’ve installed Adblock Plus
All the girls in my area suddenly lost their interest in me.
Saw this on a frozen pizza. Both funny and sad that they have to put a warning on it.
https://ift.tt/2PUdfDS
When people think of calculators they think the buttons are the most important thing
But it's what's inside that counts
My daughter has reached that age where she is asking embarrassing questions about sex.
Just this morning she asked, “Is that the best you can do?”
What did the nurse say when she found a rectal thermometer in her pocket?
Some assholes got my pen
I Didn’t Drop the Soap
No text found
Re-watching it now and the scene at the cement place lol
Re-watching it now and the scene at the cement place lol
How do you spell Panda?
In order to spell Panda, all you need is p and a.
What’s a pirate’s favourite letter?
You'd think it would be "R" or "C", but it's actually "P", because without it, he'd be irate.