What’s the number one most sexually transmitted disease among large reptiles?
But fruit flies like a banana
We never made it.
In case I get a hole in one
Pick on someone your own size.
The manager hires all three and tells the Italian, "Ok, you take care of the inventory". Tells the Polish guy, "You take care of accounting" and tells the Japanese guy, "You take care of supplies." The manager comes back after an hour and sees the Italian guy and the Polish guy working, but he can't find the Japanese guy anywhere. So all of them start looking for him. After hours of searching, they still can't find him so they give up and turn to go home for the evening when suddenly, the Japanese guy jumps out of nowhere and screams "SUPPLIES!!!!"
Wanna hear a joke about short term memory loss?
He keeps a log.
No offense, I just don't enjoy Nascar.
Your vacuum has been gathering dirt on you for years!
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Son: Dad, can't you just use a sponge ?
About 3,000 miles.
I bought it at a Yard sale.
I looked at it and said, “This isn’t for me.”
But they’ll get over it
the result was alpacalyptic
It was a little drum attic.
A blast from the past
They just don't know it yet.
As she walks in, she goes right up to the pharmacist, looks him straight into his eyes and said; "I would like to buy some cyanide," The pharmacist asked her; "why in the world do you need cyanide?" She said; "I need it to poison my husband." The pharmacists eyes got really big and he exclaimed; "Lord Have Mercy I can't give you cyanide to kill your husband. That's against the law. I'll lose my license,they will throw us both in jail. All kinds of bad stuff will happen. Absolutely not. you CANNOT HAVE ANY CYANIDE." The lady then pulls a picture out of her purse showing him her husband in bed with the pharmacist's wife. The pharmacist looks at the picture and says; "Well now thats different You didn't tell me you had a prescription."
Months later she wakes up, and asks the doctor about her baby. Doctor: Don't worry, they're just fine. You had twins, a boy and a girl, and your brother named them for you. Woman: Oh no, not my brother! He's an idiot! What did he name them? Doctor: Well, the girl is called Denise. Woman: Oh, that's not too bad! What about the boy? Doctor: Denephew.
A bear and a tiger seeking revenge.
Dad: Aw, he is saying his first words. Son: D-dad, I'm fucking 30 and stop making fun of my stutter.
When the punchline is a parent.
…we’ve drifted apart.
He regretted not passing the bar.
She really wanted a daughter…
But I never met herbivore
…you know, "other hole". I said that's dumb because she might get pregnant.
I asked who has papers and they all took off running
It was touching.
I'm also 100% in prision.
There would be mass confusion
You may think it's R But his first love be the C
So they sent a worker to his mansion to try to convince him. When he asked the millionaire to donate, the millionaire became angry. "First," he said,"are you aware that my brother, a blind veteran who has four kids and a wife with terminal illness is being evicted in three days?" A little embarrassed, the charity worker replied. "Well, uhm no." "Also, did you know about my mother who is confined to a wheelchair and is living in a homeless shelter?" "Well no sir." "Exactly!" said the millionaire "So if I didn't help them, what makes you think I'll help you?"
"I wonder how far I can kick this bucket?"