When does a joke become a “dad” joke?
When the punchline is a parent.
Kid: I’m going to be frank with you, bu- and if you say “Hi Frank, I’m Dad!” I’m gonna be super pissed!
Dad : "Because your mother put her heart and soul into it."
A woman asked me to check her balance, so I pushed her over
They kept me out of the loop.
I’ll hang around here and you go on a-head
Quacks in the pavement.
But I called her Bluff.
Now he’s Aware Wolf!
I have started freezing different objects at -273.15°c and blowing them up. Seeing with items reacted differently.
I call it the 0k boomer experiment.
My Gran said to me, “Young men of today just aren’t as polite and charming as they were when I was young.”
I had to explain, “That’s because they aren’t trying to fuck you now.”
Because they were not tenants.
The 5th grader from Alabama, because he’s 18 years old.
He orders a bear.
Beer nuts are $1.98, deer nuts are under a buck.
I wasn't putting on enough shifts
Ok, it's not that funny, only a 3 star joke
He hated the juice.
It May, Fri 10 you
I don’t care if she has one.
Always walking around like they rent the place.
The first man says “I’ll have H2O please.” The bartender replies “Sure thing, and you?” The second man says “I’ll have H2O aswell please.” The bartender turns around and mutters to himself “Dammit, I’ll get him next time.”
No text found
Cause they’re dead
Because they are hill areas!
No matter how much he tried to forget about it, he just couldn't. The guilt and sense of betrayal of his patient were overwhelming. But every once in a while he'd hear an internal, reassuring voice in his head that said: "Don't worry about it. You aren't the first medical practitioner to have sex with one of his patients and you won't be the last. And you're single. Just let it go." But, invariably, another voice in his head would bring him back to reality, whispering. "You're a veterinarian, you sick bastard."
Unless you Count Dracula
Because I can stare at you for 3 hours and not understand a single thing
He rubs the lamp and a genie pops out! The genie says that he will grant the man only one wish, and that he has to pick from three choices. He can either be the richest man in the world, the most popular man in the world, or the wisest man in the world. The man says "We all know that money does not bring happiness, and that popularity just makes you a slave to the whims of others, but wisdom is everlasting. I want to be the wisest man in the world." The Genie goes "poof" and suddenly the man's face assumes a serene expression. He sits down, rubbing his chin in thought. Then he looks towards the genie and says, "I should have taken the money".
Never mind, it’s pointless…
But does anyone know where the Minneapolis Edit: some of us don't spend our lives on r/jokes and as such don't realise things are reposts.
"Does anyone know what a tragedy is?" A kindergartener raises her hand and the president chooses her to answer, "A car crash." "No, not quite." Responds Trump, "that would be an 'accident' ". He then chooses a 4th grade boy. "If a school bus went off a cliff and all the kids died, that would be a tragedy." "Close, but not exacly, that's what we call a great loss" replies the president. Next, a 6th grader speaks up, "if a bomb went off in DC and killed you and all of congress, that would be a tragedy." "That's really great!" The president continues, "how did you know that?" "Well, it's clearly not an accident and it sure as hell wouldn't be a great loss."
Its like he's never seen a penis before.
The big bad wolf converted to Buddhism and there was finally peace in the forest. But suddenly, the air was filled with screams of terror! A bear asked the animals running past him, “What’s happening now?”
"The big bad wolf!" a goat shouted. "Is meditating!" "So? Isn't that a good thing? questioned the bear. "Noooo!" the goat bleated. "It's become aware wolf!"
Sails are going through the roof!