When Frontend is Ready before Backend
I just called the tinnitus hotline…
It wouldn't stop ringing!
Can people stop making coronavirus jokes
I’m getting sick of them
I can sympathize with batteries.
I never get included in anything either.
After watching me read “War and Peace”, my son asked me, “Dad, why is the book so thick?”
Me: Well, it’s ……a long story.
Went to the store to get eight cans of sprite…
When I got home, I realized I’d only picked seven up.
Having gay parents must be horrible
You either get twice the usual amount of dad jokes or get stuck in an infinite loop of "go ask your mom"
I made a playlist for hiking. It has music from Peanuts, The Cranberries, and Eminem.
I call it my Trail Mix.
Why was 2019 afraid of 2020?
Because today they got into a fight, and 2021! Happy new year y’all!
I got hit in the head with a can of soda yesterday.
Luckily for me, it was a soft drink.
Three men go to hell and they’re pissed
“Surely we weren’t that bad?” they ask themselves. “There has to be something we can do to get out of here.” Satan suddenly appears and says “Oh, but there is! Withstand ten whippings from my trusty whip here and you’re free to go. I’ll even let you pick something to cover your back with” The men let out a cheer. This wouldn’t be so hard. The first man steps up and observes his surroundings. Finally, he picks a sturdy looking boulder to place on his back. “Ready,” he says. Satan raises his whip and yells, “ONE!” CRACK The boulder immediately splits in half. “Aw fuck this,” says the first man. “I’ll just stay.” Satan smirks and asks, “Who’s next?” The second man steps up and, without picking any protection, gets in position. “Are you sure about that?” asks Satan, to which the man replies with “I have trained my mind and body to ignore any unnecessary pain. I need no protection.” “Whatever you say, pal.” Satan raises his arm and yells, “ONE!” CRACK The man slightly flinches, his pain evident, but he remains upright. Annoyance flashes across Satan’s face. He raises his arm again and shouts, “TWO!” CRACK Again, the man remains upright, all the way up to the tenth whipping. The man gets up, weary but happy. Satan looks furious and says, “Whatever, goodjob. You, third guy, you’re next. What are you picking?” The third man takes in his surroundings, lays his eyes on his choice and says, “I’m gonna pick the second guy.”
The internet connection at my farm was really poor, so I moved the modem to the barn.
Now I have stable wifi
Innovative Solutions
In order to streamline my work from home process, I’ve hired my cat as a part-time advisor.User: My laptop won’t connect to the VPN.Me: Consults my advisorMe: Have you tried pushing it off of the table and onto the floor?
I asked the guy in the store where is the terminator dvd …
He responded, “Aisle B, Back”
I ordered a chicken and egg from Amazon.
I'll let you know.
Dictionary to Thesaurus: When are you ever better than me?
Thesaurus: I can give you more than one example.
A young blonde woman fears her husband is having an affair, so …….
A young blonde woman fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a shop and buys a handgun. The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her head. The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself. The hysterical blonde tells her husband: "Shut up … you're next!"
Two cannibals were eating an entitled kid
One says to the other," Does this taste a bit spoiled?"
My face! When he says “The Coronavirus is very much under control in the USA.”!
https://ift.tt/3eOSfbR
I switched out my bed for a trampoline
Let me tell you that my wife hit the roof when she found out.
Why couldn’t the toilet paper walk down the sidewalk?
It got stuck in the cracks. (Made up by my 10 year old.)
Did you hear the one about Oedipus and Midas?
It was motherfucking gold.
“Darling, I have to tell you something”
A husband says to his wife: "Darling, I have to tell you something" Wife replies: "What?" Husband: "I don't know how to say this" Wife: "What?" Husband: "I don't even know if I should tell you" Wife: "What?" Husband: "You're completely deaf" Wife: "What?"
What did James Brown say to his dog?
1, 2…get down
Cashier: Would you like to donate $2 to end world hunger?
Me: Of course. Holy shit, I had no idea we were that close.
“Hey kids, it’s Jamaican hairstyle day at work tomorrow!”
I'm dreading it…
A man killed his lifelong friend
He was charged with homiecide
A doctor accidentally prescribes his patient a laxative instead of a coughing syrup.
Three days later the patient comes for a check-up and the doctor asks: “Well? Are you still coughing?” The patient replies: “No. I’m afraid to.”
A man is driving home from work when his wife calls him on his cell phone.
“Phil!” She shouts in panic, “Please be careful! I just heard that some lunatic is driving the wrong way on the highway.” “You won’t believe it, Doris,” he replies. “It’s not just one car; it’s hundreds of them!”
