When girls give you a hint on what they want
A young man shopping in a supermarket noticed a little old lady following him around. If he stopped, she stopped. Furthermore, she kept staring at him. She finally overtook him at the checkout and she turned to him and said…
"I hope I haven't made you feel ill at ease; it's just that you look so much like my late son." He answered, "That's okay." "I know it's silly, but if you'd call out, 'Good bye, Mom' as I leave the store, it would make me feel so happy." She then went through the checkout and as she was on her way out of the store, the man called out, "Goodbye Mom!" The little old lady waved and smiled back at him. Pleased that he had brought a little sunshine into someone's day, he went to pay for his groceries. "That comes to $121.85." said the clerk. "How come so much! I only bought 5 items." The clerk replied, "Yeah, but your mother said you'd be paying for her things too."
The lesbian couple across the street allowed me to see them have sex for my birthday.
It's a beautiful and very thoughtful experience, but I think they misunderstood me when I said I wanna watch.
White people don’t shoot each other in the streets like black people do.
We do it in schools because we have class.
Why was my post removed
Can someone from admin please explain to me why my post was removed? I'm really annoyed about this because now my fence has fallen over.
A man goes to a funeral and asks the widow: Mind if I say a word?” She says: “Please do.” The man clears his throat and says: “Bargain.”
The widow replies: "Thanks, that means a great deal."
I gave up my seat to a blind lady in the bus..
And that's how I lost my job as a bus driver
Man:I am done,i am suiciding. Woman:If you are going down throw out the trash
https://ift.tt/3b882iR
What did the grape say when he got stepped on?
Nothing, he just let out a little wine
2 antennas got married last week. The wedding was kinda lame….
But the reception was amazing.
Tell the Punchline first.
How do you ruin a joke?
What did one butt cheek say to the other?
Together, we can stop this shit.
My friend said, “You have a B.A., Master’s, and a Ph.D., but you still act like an idiot!”
It was a third degree burn.
Have you heard of the cheese factory that burned down?
Debris was everywhere.
How do you tell the difference between someone from Dubai and someone from Abu Dhabi?
People from Dubai don't like the Flintstones. People from Abu Dhabi do.
Your essays should be like a girls skirt.
Long enough to cover the subject, short enough to keep it interesting and up on my desk by Friday midnight.
Why is Cinderella so bad at soccer?
She keeps running away from the ball.
What did the black pepper say to his wife after coming out of the grinder?
"Don't worry. I'm fine."
What is heavier, a ton of bricks or a ton of feathers?
The feathers. Because you have to live with the weight of what you did to those poor birds.
I’m terrified of 2022
Because 2022 is 2020 too
My wife saw an ant picking up a leaf 5 times its body weight, and told me, “Can you imagine being that strong?”
So I picked up the leaf and said, “Yes.”
My girlfriend was shouting “Give it to me now! I’m so fucking wet!”
I simply told her “This umbrella is mine. Go get your own.”
What’s the difference between light and hard?
You can sleep with a light on
Why does Waldo wear stripes
Because he doesn't want to be spotted
I asked 100 women which shampoo they preferred.
Their number one answer was, “HOW THE HELL DID YOU GET IN HERE?!”
Two immigrants from Africa arrive in the United States and are discussing the difference between their country and the U.S.
One of them mentions he's heard that people in the U.S. eat dogs, and if they're going to fit in, they better eat dogs as well. So they head to the nearest hot dog stand and order two 'dogs.' The first guy unwraps his, looks at it, and nervously looks at his friend. "Which part did you get?" Edit: Thank you for the gold, kind stranger!
My dad said he’s going to a concert.
Me: Hey dad, where are you off to? Dad: I'm heading out to a Korean boy-band show. Me: KPOP?! Dad: Yes, I'm fine.
My wife left me because she thinks I’m too insecure…
No, wait, she's back. She was just making a cup of tea.
I took my new gun to the range to try it out, but somehow it won’t work.
Now I have to read the trouble shooting section in the manual.
My friend Ty came first in the Beijing marathon 5 years ago, but still has not been awarded a gold medal.
China refuses to acknowledge Ty won.
A Brazilian man in Mexico doesn’t know why the U.S. deported him there.
Can you imagine Hispanic?
I quit my job as a postman the first day right after they handed me my first letter to deliver.
I looked at it and thought, “This isn’t for me.”
I love to tell dad jokes
Sometimes he even laughs
As I suspected, someone’s been adding soil to my garden
The plot thickens
