As they sat at their table, taking photos of their food for social media, one of the photographers realized he hadn't been given water. He approached the bar and asked for a glassful, with which the bartender obliged. Rather than immediately leaving, he stood there and stared at the bartender for a moment before returning to his seat. Soon enough, he found himself thirsty again, and took another trip to the bar, and once again stared at the bartender. This happened again and again throughout the night, with the bartender becoming progressively more frustrated by the photographers persistent requests for glasses of water and uncomfortable stares. Finally, on the photographers fifteenth trip, the bartender loses his cool and yells, "Take a pitcher, it'll last longer!"
Nobody ever made a song called “Fuck The Fire Department” ….
Nothing, it's on the house Edit: found out I accidentally reposted. Sorry people but happy holidays
A vaccum cleaner.
Two thieves break into a house. Once inside, they sneak into the master bedroom and tie up the naked woman they find in there.
A startled, naked, man comes out of the bathroom, sees what's happening and says, "Please, please, take whatever you want, I will even give you the combination to my safe. Just, please, untie her and let her go." The thieves were surprised by how heartfelt the pleas from the man were. One of them says, "Wow, you must really love your wife in order to beg like that." The man replies, "I do, and she will be home any minute!"
Except the worms, they came in apples.
The Answer Will Shock You!
The thrill only lasts about 30 seconds,and if the rubber breaks, you're screwed.
I was sad until she told me "Don't worry I'm just kidding, nothing could be father from the truth."
Now he's the Abdominal Snowman.
Whenever someone would ask me how can I tell the difference. l said it is very easy: Jennifer always painted her nails in red and George has a dick.
So going to the bathroom could spell disaster
The German replies "Nein, just one."
I, I, R, and the seven Cs.
But so far I've made 3 jugs and a vase and they're lovely
They’re always assembling
I try to use it as often as possible.
He described a typical day this way: "Well, yesterday afternoon, I took a five hour walk about 7 miles through some pretty rough terrain. I waded along the edge of a lake. I pushed my way through brambles. I got sand in my shoes and my eyes. I avoided standing on a snake. I climbed several rocky hills. I took a few 'leaks' behind some big trees. The mental stress of it all left me shattered. At the end of it all I drank eight beers" Inspired by the story, the doctor said, "You must be one hell of an outdoors man." "No," he replied, "I'm just a shit golfer.
…apparently COVID-19 was a little too old for him.
"Dear, get off the swing" she said.
To beat the crowd.
Student: “Hey can you check this to see if it’s right?” Student hands me their writing. Me, holding their paper upside down: “well, first of all, it’s written upside down.” And then I give it back to them and walk away as if nothing happened.
A man who runs behind gets exhausted.
Neither of us is rolling.
They are immediately disqualified.