When I am asked to comment my code
Because only thyme will tell.
I said, “Who is this guy?” Grandpa: This is my hip replacement.
Well, first, you gotta set a boobie trap…
Help! I’ve been framed.
You will be mist.
Shit, I meant to post this somewhere else.
I can tell when they’re standing too.
…they say he will be given a tough sentence
They come across a river that they have to get over, but it's swarming with crocodiles. Luckily, a fakir just happened to pass by on his flying carpet. He said: "Ah, you are lucky! As I have found you here, I will grant each of you one wish." The first blonde wished she was an excellent swimmer. And with a snap of the fakir's fingers, her physique changed. She ran off and tried to cross the river, but the crocodiles ate her quickly. The second blonde had to rethink, and decided to ask for a rowing boat, as swimming proved to be no option. Without hesitation a rowing boat appeared before their eyes. She got in, and rowed across. But when she was barely halfway across, the crocodiles broke enough of her boat to let it sink, and she too was eaten. The third blonde had to think really hard. (Mind you, she took her time.) After a while, she exclaimed: "You know, I always wanted to try a different hair colour." and as soon as she was finished talking, her hair colour changed to brown. "OH!" she then said "Look over there, a bridge."
My son got kicked out of three schools this year for letting a girl in class wank him off. I told him, “Son…
…maybe teaching isn’t the best job for you.”
..But its definitely worth a shot.
Kicked out of the petting zoo
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I bet they'd all dig me if I lived in a bigger car.
Seriously, how low can you go?
*break bread* This is my body *pours wine* This is my blood *open jar of mayo* Judas: I'm gonna stop you right there
That should make the cremation a little more interesting…
Who’s there? Dwayne. Dwayne who? Dwayne the bathtub, I’m dwowning.
If it sinks, it's a girl ant If it floats, it's buoyant.
I was delighted.
They both never get old.
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So I got her some diet pills.
No, there are a whole series of fairy tales that begin with ‘If elected, I promise…’