When I told my son I was named after Thomas Jefferson, he looked quizzically at me and said, “But your name is Brian…”
I exclaimed, “I know, but I was named AFTER Thomas Jefferson!"
Like it was yesterday.
No text found
The barman says "Why the long farce?"
People must be dying to get there.
So I added some fruit and lemonade to it, and now she sangria than ever.
Eventually we realized that we were maid for each other.
It gave me thesaurus throat I've ever had.
She's pretty naan confrontational.
And every now and again I would take him out for a drag.
The odds were against me. Edit: Thanks so much!! This is my first award!
The doctor takes one look at him and says, “Well, I can clearly see your nuts.”
My buddy Brian does it for me.
Now I just need to figure out if that's in Celcius or Fahrenheit
A blonde calls her boyfriend and says, “Please come over here and help me. I have a killer jigsaw puzzle, and I can’t figure out how to get it started.”
He asks, “What is it supposed to be when it’s finished?” The blonde says, “According to the picture on the box, it’s a tiger.” Her boyfriend decides to go over and help with the puzzle. She lets him in and shows him where she has the puzzle spread all over the table. He studies the pieces for a moment, then looks at the box, then turns to her and says, “First of all, no matter what we do, we’re not going to be able to assemble these pieces into anything resembling a tiger.” He takes her hand and says, “Second, I want you to relax, and then…..” he sighed, “we’ll put all these Frosted Flakes back in the box.”
He'll stop at nothing to avoid them
Useful. Because it always comes in Handy.
You have my word
You'll just get jurass-kicked.
No text found
I was going to decline but he told me it was for disabled kids and children with severe learning difficulties. I thought, fuck me, I might win this
Dear sir, Your internet access has been terminated due to illegal usage. Sincerely, your service provider.
Right now I really hope that is a woman's penis
but it was all just smoke and mirrors.
Swine Flu requires oinkment and Bird Flu requires Tweetment
Guess who came crawling back
Because sin90 = cot45