When I was at the pool yesterday, I began peeing in the deep end
The lifeguard blew his whistle so hard I almost fell in
Sorry if this wasn't very funny to read out on Reddit. Most of my jokes are all in the delivery.
One to promise a brighter future and the rest to screw it up.
It weighed won ton.
Two elderly couples were enjoying friendly conversation when one of the men asked the other, “Fred, how was the memory clinic you went to last month?”
"Outstanding," Fred replied. "They taught us all the latest psychological techiniques — visualization, association — it made a huge difference for me." "That's great! What was the name of the clinic?" Fred went blank. He thought and thought, but couldn't remember. Then a smile broke across his face and he asked, "What do you call that red flower with the long stem and thorns?" "You mean a rose?" "Yes, that's it!" He turned to his wife. "Rose, what was the name of that clinic?"
Because you're not around.
No text found
We can all legally leave.
I take that as a compliment…
I’ve had a lot on my plate recently
Because they lactose.
If no one was home, I would just leave a brochure on the kitchen table.
It has a nice ring to it
Something bad is going to happen. I can feel it.
By previously legalizing same-sex marriage and now Marijuana, Canada have finally interpreted the bible correctly:
Leviticus 20:13 "If a man lies with another man he should be stoned."
Runs until Friday.
In case I get a hole in one…
He learned fish swim in schools
I can’t wait to see them all
Everything I eat goes to shit
I'm finally above average for something
…were upset when their tent collapsed
A nervous wreck.
Because he was in the middle of 9 11
Buy the DLC to find out
It was too much fizzical labor.
I told him pilot jobs aren't really taking off at the moment.