When I was in high school, my dad f*cked my teacher repeatedly for better grades in my math class.
Thank god im homeschooled or that could have been wierd
And then she gave me a huge hug.
Since then, grandpa has been kicking puppies and setting fire to orphanages.
But men are so polite, they only look at the covered parts.
I just bought a new t.v. and it said “Built in antenna” I don’t even know where that is!
She wanted to see the task manager.
I had to draw my own conclusions.
After my son’s team won the soccer tournament, their goalkeeper invited both of us to a party to celebrate.
It was the father, son, and the goalie host.
Because Dawn is tough on Greece
He was just winging it
They formed an alloy-ence
It’s gonna take me a while to get hard, I just got laid by this chick
They eventually would.
This isn't where they be long.
In case they need to draw blood
She drinks straight from the bottle
5th grader from Alabama, because he's 18 yrs old
I searched with him
He said, "So you know how we finish each others' sentences?"
A liquor cabinet.
A broken drum Nothing can beat it!
Last night in jail, they gave us mint chocolates for dessert. I thought they’d be be gross, but they were actually pretty good…
Turns out that in-prison mint isn't as bad as I expected!
…need to take a good long look at themselves.