When is bedtime at Michael Jackson’s house?
When the big hand touches the little hand.
I told him that we would prefer if the baby kept its liver.
He said, “Its pretty lit.”
I was suspicious or my girlffriend cheating on me with this guy from her gym. So i pick up her phone at night when she’s sleeping ..
…and drive to this dude's place on the other side of the town and go to stand on his porch to see if the wifi connects
"Yes sir, the heat tends to kill them."
In fact, she’d wipe the floor with them.
I guess now it's clear why everybody calls me handsome.
they are flashing behind you.
During their get together ,the hoast ask the other two : How do you split your money with the Lord ? "I draw a line on the floor in my church ,then ,i throw the money in the air ,whatever is on my side I get to keep ,whatever falls on his side he keeps it" sais the first priest. The second one replies "well I draw circle and then I' throw the money in the air ,whatever falls inside the circle is mine ,whatever Falls outside the circle is His" . "How do you split your money ?" they both ask the host priest. I' just throw the money in the air and he keeps whatever he wants.
But I told them I couldn't quit "cold turkey "
How? I took a day off
“Hello 911.” “What’s your emergency?” “These men won’t stop laughing.” “That’s annoying, but not a crime.”
“Wtf is manslaughter then.”
During the funeral, his mother walks towards the director and says, "Jesus died for your scenes."
it looks fishy
Ah, I see you're a man of culture as well
I havent seen him since 2005
Because he only comes once a year
. Edit: thank you kind stranger for the Silver!
That’s a lot to digest.
For a second, I was really scared that I had a tiktok account.
The second hand store
Fans will remember that
A man returns home early from work one afternoon to find his wife spread out on the bed naked, puffing and panting.
“What are you doing?” the man inquires. “Err,” she stammers back. “I… um… I think I’m having a heart attack!” “Oh,” cries the gullible husband, “quick, I’ll call an ambulance!” He runs downstairs, picks up the phone and begins dialing 911, when his son Johnny appears, sobbing his little heart out. “What’s the matter, son?” asks the father. “Uncle James is in the closet with no clothes on, Daddy,” replies his tearful toddler. Enraged, the man runs back upstairs, flings open the wardrobe and finds his brother there absolutely naked, just as his son had said. “You bastard, Jim,” screams the man. “My wife is over there having a heart attack and you’re running around naked scaring Johnny!”
Because one man's junk is another man's treasure!
One evening, he passed by an alley, and a prostitute yelled at him, "Fifty dollars will buy you a good time!" He responded by saying "How's about 5 dollars?", jokingly, and kept walking. This same thing kept happening every Saturday for a couple weeks; every time Bill passed the prostitute, she would offer him her services for fifty dollars, and he would decline and say he'd only pay five. One evening, however, Hillary asked if she could come along on the walk with him, and Bill reluctantly agreed, nervous about what Hillary would say if the prostitute yelled at him again. They went on the walk, and when they passed the alley, to Bill's surprise, the prostitute was silent, and they continued on their walk. As they were about to round the corner, however, they heard the prostitute's voice from behind them, "So that's what five dollars gets you, huh?"
is to take flying lessons. Also know how to read carefully.
Tomorrow is gonna be wild!
“Don’t worry,” said the doc. “Those are just contractions.”
Beethoven's final movement
…Now I'm in hot water with the Japanese Mafia.