When it comes to nudist contests…
I barely qualify.
I guess it won't make any difference.
Turns out it was a typo.
My father passed this morning. In his honor, I present his favorite joke: why do polish people have ski at the end of their names?
Because they can't spell toboggan. – Stanley G. Kapuscinski
I call it a homie-hoe-stasis.
but hay… It’s in my jeans.
It was a risk I was willing to take.
Or should I spread em apart?
But they'll recoup.
but none of them work.
The no-shit Sherlock!
…and then, they asked him to count to ten. The man counted, "two, four, six, eight, ten." Then they put the right-half back and removed the left-half, and again asked the man to count to ten. The man counted, "one, three, five, seven, nine." The scientists then removed both halves of the man's brain, and asked him again to count to ten. The man said, "look, we're gonna count to ten. We're gonna count. Because I know numbers, I have the best numbers. All the politicians in Washington can't count to one-believe me, I've counted to one many, many times. They said we couldn't count to ten. Well, I'm beating all of those people in the polls. We're gonna count to ten. Everybody, count to ten. Okay? And let me tell you – let me tell you something. I will be the best counting President God has ever created. We are gonna count to so many tens, I tell you. Look at that!"
He’s 11 and still doesn’t know my name is Brian
I just saw the trailer.
Not what you are thinking.
One turns to other and says "Its awfully quiet on deck tonight." Other recruit says "Everyone must be watching the band." "There is no band on this ship." "No, I definitely heard the captain say a band on ship."
Icy dead people
Sorry for the terrible pun, I just couldn't resist.
They are immediately disqualified.
I was telling a girl in the pub about my ability to guess what day a woman was born just by feeling her boobs…
"Really?" she said, "Go on then…try." After about thirty seconds of fondling she lost patience and demanded "Come on, what day was I born?" “Yesterday." I replied.
Unfortunately, she blew it!
Allow me to demenstruate.
Turns out people don’t like it when you go the extra mile for them.
Judge: Repeat infractions? Man: Fine. 3/5 of my parking tickets are bogus!
Trump made a time of 11:56 Clinton was slightly faster, timing at 11:31 Obama was very fast, he ran a 10:03 But Bush did 9:11
But it is what is on the inside that counts.
sometimes I go for a run in flip flops to remember what it sounds like.
They were great yolks
"Well, you're half right."