When my wife and I got married, I was completely broke. But she stood by me.
She had to. We only had one chair.
Fruit of the tomb
I know because I kept a log.
The first says: “Windy isn’t it?” The second says: “Wednesday? Isn’t it Thursday?” The third says: “Thirsty? Let’s order some drinks!”
A teenage boy is getting ready to take his girlfriend to the prom. First he goes to rent a tux, but there’s a long tux line at the shop and it takes forever. Next, he has to get some flowers, so he heads over to the florist and there’s a huge flower line there. He waits forever but eventually gets the flowers. Then he heads out to rent a limo. Unfortunately, there’s a large limo line at the rental office, but he’s patient and gets the job done. Finally, the day of the prom comes. The two are dancing happily and his girlfriend is having a great time. When the song is over, she asks him to get her some punch, so he heads over to the punch table and there’s no punchline.
It's a bit different to the other ones you've heard.
And at the end of each weekend, there is a Brother that goes around to all the casinos to cash them out and make a deposit. He's the Chip Monk.
Son: "Daddy, I have to write a special report for school, but I don't know what Politics is.” Father: "Well, let's take our home as an example. I am the bread-winner, so let's call me Capitalism. Your Mum is the administrator of money, so we'll call her Government. We take care of your need, so let's call you The People. We'll call the maid the Working Class and your brother we can call The Future. Do you understand son?" Son: "I'm not really sure, Dad. I'll have to think about it." That night awakened by his brother's crying, the boy went to see what was wrong. Discovering that the baby had seriously soiled his diaper, the boy went to his parents' room and found his mother sound asleep. He went to the maid's room, where, peeking through the keyhole, he saw his father in bed with the maid. The boy's knocking went totally unheeded by his father and the maid, so the boy returned to his room and went back to sleep. The next morning he reported to his father. Son: "Dad, now I think I understand what Politics is." Father: "Good son! Can you explain it to me in your own words?" Son: "Well Dad, while Capitalism is screwing the Working Class, Government is sound asleep, the People are being completely ignored and the Future is full of Shit."
I have a friend who was born on October 10th. Every year for his birthday I get him a 3 foot long pole. He hates it.
It might be stupid, but 10/10 wood post again.
Because it has 2 shifts.
Fine, suit yourself.
It's a one-liner
I was left hanging.
They become VERY ANGRY
…before I got arrested I said "wait I can explain everything
Because it wasn't even remote-ly funny.
She is sent into a coma for 1 year. She wakes up, no longer pregnant, screaming," Doctor! Doctor! Where is my baby?!" The doctor replies, "Calm down, your babies are fine. You had twins! a girl and a boy. We gave them to your brother to watch while you were in the hospital." She says,"My brother? That guy is a moron! Why would you do that?" "I am sorry ma'am, we had no choice. There was nobody else. He even took the liberty of naming them." "What??", she says. "What did he name my daughter?" "He named her 'Denise' " says the doctor. "Oh, well that's not so bad. What did he name my son?" To which the doctor replies, "He named him 'Denephew' "
I don’t want to make a spectacle of myself
But she said no. She believes I’m just after my money.
He frowned a little. "What's that?" he asked. "Anything these days," I said. "Huh?" he asked. "Anything these days," I said. "I don't understand. Explain?" he asked. "Anything these days," I said. He sighed loudly. "Are you crazy, dad?" he asked. "Anything these days," I said. "Dad, snap out of it. What's going on?" he asked. "Anything these days," I said. "Dad! Dad! Come on. Tell me what you mean?" he asked. There was a pause. "Anything these days," I continued. At this point he was enraged and yelled, "Jesus Christ, I've had enough of this nonsense. What on Earth are you doing? Have you lost your mind? Jees. You're driving me insane!" There was a silence. "This is the world we live in," I concluded. "You can't say anything these days without offending someone."
I told her, "no, I think all kids smell like that."
A receding hare line.
MARIO: JUDGE: It’s a fine. MARIO [sadly]: No, itsa not.
…exclaimed Dave, crestfallen.