When some one wants you to open up but it just isn’t possible
It’s all the rage.
This is the donning of the "h" of Ahquarius.
As long as you're poor
A grill runs out of gas
I said no it doesn't.
His name was Rick O'Shea
It was turned down, he just couldn't make the cut.
Went swimming today. Took a pee in the deep end. Life guard noticed and started blowing his whistle.
I was so scared, I almost fell in.
Yesterday I purchased a world map…gave my wife a dart and said to her “throw this and wherever it lands, I’m taking you for a holiday”.
Turns out we're spending three weeks behind the fridge.
"Maybe you should wait outside whilst I examine your dog," said the vet.
I think I might be Lacoste intolerant.
But look at me now, I'm saving the world.
I’ve been expecting you, Mr. Bond.
Me: "Why?" Bouncer: "I have no idea who you are and this is my trampoline."
Should I be worried, or is it just a phrase?
A trip without the kids.
…if you haven’t botany
She was so excited that she nearly Peter Pans.
Hearing aids! When do we want them! Hearing aids!
…that still makes him Ire-ish.
With an ithberg
but then it grew on me
'Certainly sir,' I replied. 'Are you eating in or taking out?' 'Fuck off you cunt,' he snapped, before walking off with his food. I love working in the prison canteen.
I said, “Yes, but I’m here to get whiskey instead.”
I was in the bar last night and this guy said to me, “I’m going to attack you with the neck of a guitar!”
I asked, “Is that a fret?”
Sometimes it's hungry, sometimes it's tired, sometimes it's angry. Please help.
I'm really not a mourning person.
Tis the best place to trade stolen content for gold. Edit: ARRRR! Me farst gold! Much love me matey!
So we stopped playing chess.
I woke up today with mourning wood.