When the kids came back from recess, the teacher announced a pop spelling quiz…
"Pop spelling quiz, class!" She said, and called on little Johnny.
"What did you do during recess, Johnny?" Asked the teacher. Johnny replied "I played in the sandbox with Suzy and Leroy" "Ok, spell 'sand' and you will get a cookie!" Says the teacher. Johnny spells it correctly and gets his cookie.
"And what did you do on recess, Suzy?" Suzy replied that she played in the sandbox with Johnny and Leroy. "Spell 'box' and you will get a cookie." Says the teacher. Suzy correctly spelled box and got her cookie.
"Leroy, what did you do during recess?" The teacher asked. He replied, with tears in his eyes "Well, I tried to play in the sandbox with Johnny and Suzy, but they just threw rocks at me and called me a N$%%ER!"
The teacher looked at Leroy and said "Well my goodness! That sounds like blatant racial discrimination!"
"So, Leroy, spell 'blatant racial discrimination' and you'll get a cookie!"
That’s a hard catch! If it’s windy it’s a challenge…..but it was the thought which counts, lol
That’s a hard catch! If it’s windy it’s a challenge…..but it was the thought which counts, lol
As I handed my Dad his 50th birthday card, he looked at me, with tears in his eyes and said,
"Son, you know that one would have been enough."
President Trump said “No politician in history — and I say this with great surety — has been treated worse or more unfairly.”
I guess the 6 Presidents who were shot no longer count *edit had 4 in post originally
Why are women and children evacuated first in a disaster?
So we can think of a solution in silence.
What’s more amazing than a talking dog?
A spelling bee!
What does it take to make an octopus laugh?
Ten tickles.
What do you call the Italian hood?
The Spaghetto.
Of course, none of the Martians will be considered in our land claims.
Of course, none of the Martians will be considered in our land claims.
Teaching my 3 month baby girl C++, wanna make sure she gets OOP by the time she talks.
https://ift.tt/32pWaG8
Son : “Why is the food so cold and bland?”
Dad : "Because your mother put her heart and soul into it."
I had a medical condition when I was a child, I had to eat soil 3 times a day or I would die.
Really, I was quite lucky my older brother told me about it.
A man is walking home late one foggy night…
when behind him he hears: BUMP!… BUMP!… BUMP!… Walking faster, he looks back and through the fog he makes out the image of an upright casket banging its way down the middle of the street toward him. BUMP!… BUMP!… BUMP!… Terrified, the man begins to run toward his home, the casket bouncing quickly behind him. FASTER… FASTER… BUMP… BUMP… BUMP… He runs up to his door, fumbles with his keys, opens the door, rushes in, slams and locks the door behind him. However, the casket crashes through his door, with the lid of the casket clapping… Clappity-BUMP… Clappity-BUMP… Clappity-BUMP… …on his heels, the terrified man runs. Rushing upstairs to the bathroom, the man locks himself in. His heart is pounding; his head is reeling; his breath is coming in sobbing gasps. With a loud CRASH the casket breaks down the door. Bumping and clapping toward him. The man screams and reaches for something, anything, but all he can find is a bottle of cough syrup! Desperate, he throws the cough syrup at the casket… and… The coffin stops.
What is it called when a cannonball eats another cannonball?
Cannonball-ism
I told the doctor I was deaf in my left ear he said ‘are you sure?
Then I said 'im definite
Why was the virgin left hanging?
No text found
Condoms do not Guarantee safe sex
Last week a friend of mine was wearing a condom, when the women’s husband came home and shot him dead
After all the OSHA violations he was pretty low on cash…
After all the OSHA violations he was pretty low on cash…
Two drums and a cymbal fall off a cliff
ba dum tss
I was driving along when this man waved me down.
I stopped the car and he asked me if I could give him a few directions. 'Certainly,' I replied, 'up, down, east and west.' Then I drove off.
My grandad killed 50 German pilots in WW2
He wasn't a very skilled mechanic.
A man and his wife checked into a hotel.
An hour after checking in, the man calls the front desk. Man- "My wife and I had a fight and she is going to jump out the window." Help desk- " It's your personal matter and we cant help in this situation. " Man- " Personal matter my ass the window doesn't open."
Why did Ross Geller from Friends drown?
He wasn’t a good Schwimmer.
Remains to be seen if glass coffins become popular
No text found
Two police officers slammed their fists on my door.
"We've come to inspect your house for drugs!" they shouted. I said, "Fuck off. Get your own."
Do you know I tell dad jokes?
He even laughs sometimes.
Geology rocks …
but geography is where it’s at!!
What do you call a bear covered in strawberries
To be honest even I dont know u choose
[Introducing My girlfriend to my family]
Me: This is my girlfriend Janine Janine: Hi Wife: What the fuck
I was having trouble fastening my seat belt
and then it just clicked
Orion’s belt is a huge waist of space.
Terrible joke. 3 stars.