When the Ryzen 5 beats the Core i9
They say make up sex is the best
Which is lucky, because all my sex is made up
My sister bet me $15 that I couldn’t build a car out of spaghetti.
You should have seen the look on her face as I drove pasta.
I just had a physical, the doctor said “don’t eat anything fatty”
I said “like bacon and burgers?” He said “no fatty, don’t eat anything!”
If you boil a funny bone….
It becomes a laughing stock
The ending of Game of Thrones makes sense, think about it.
Arya went west, Jon went north, Drogon went east, and the show went south.
Peggy Johnson was suing her neighbor, Dave, for harassment after he kept calling her “pig.”
The two were fighting over their backyard borders, and so Dave took up to calling her a "pig." Peggy took him to court and sued him for harassment. The judge wanted to settle this immediately and issued an order for Dave to stop calling Peggy a "pig." "Dave, I'm giving you a chance to walk away scot-free. However, you can no longer call Ms. Johnson a 'pig.' Understood?" "Well… that doesn't seem fai- " "-we can let this go to trial, you can spend thousands on lawyers, but if Ms. Johnson's attorneys can prove calling her a 'pig' leads to emotional damage, you'll end up owing a lot." Dave paused. "OK, fine. Can I call a pig 'Ms. Johnson'?" The judge looked over his notes. "Yes… you may call a pig 'Ms. Johnson' without fear of legal recourse." Dave turned to Peggy and said "Good afternoon, Ms. Johnson."
So, now that antifa has been declared a terrorist organization…
…when will the U.S. government start arming them?
What’s the difference between Iron Man and Iron Woman?
One is a superhero, the other is a command.
I almost got caught stealing a board game today…
But it was a Risk I was willing to take
r/PoliticalHumor 2019 Best Of Awards!
It’s time for Reddit’s Best of 2019 Awards.What a year it’s been here in r/politicalhumor, thanks to everyone for participating.Make your nominations here and/or upvote your favorites.You are welcome to categorize your nominations, i.e:Best PostBest CommentBest of YearOnly one nomination per comment. Please do not nominate yourself. You may only nominate submissions made in 2019.This thread is set to contest mode which sorts comments randomly and hides vote scores. In January, the votes will be tallied and a results thread will be posted. We will give reddit gold to the top submissions!
I got yakuza and jacuzzi mixed up
Now I’m in hot water with the Japanese mafia
When you think of 2020, what’s the first thing that comes to mind?
Coronavirus, right off the bat.
My 67 y/o quiet and shy dad wanted me to share his masterpiece across North America
https://ift.tt/39n5Cfp
Don’t date tennis players…
Love means nothing to them
A sheep, a drum and a snake fall off a cliff.
Baa dum hiss
I was suspicious or my girlffriend cheating on me with this guy from her gym. So i pick up her phone at night when she’s sleeping ..
…and drive to this dude's place on the other side of the town and go to stand on his porch to see if the wifi connects
I’m gonna be turning my lights off this Halloween and pretending I’m not in.
Fuck the ships. My lighthouse, my rules
Why couldn’t the bicycle stand up?
Because it was two tired.
There’s this old priest who got sick of all the people in his parish who kept confessing to adultery.
One Sunday, in the pulpit, he said, "if I hear one more person confess to adultery, I'll quit!" Well, everyone liked him, so they came up with a code word. Someone who had committed adultery would say they had "fallen". This seemed to satisfy the old priest and things went well, until the priest died at a ripe old age. About a week after the new priest arrived, he visited the Mayor of the town and seemed very concerned. The priest said, "you have to do something about the sidewalks in town. When people come into the confessional, they keep talking about having fallen." The Mayor started to laugh, realizing that no-one had told the new priest about the code word. Before the mayor could explain, the priest shook an accusing finger at the mayor and said, "I don't know what you're laughing about, Your wife fell three times this week."
I told my wife she was drawing her eyebrows too high
She looked surprised
Anti-vaxxers are the biggest hypocrites. How?
They've been vaccinated. We know this because: •They're over three years old •They're retarded.
My wallet is like an onion
When I open it, it makes me cry.
What do English teachers do on Reddit?
Edit: grammar
Knowing that she will have more money than any of us will have in a life time.
https://ift.tt/2QbPKEP
Harry has decided to go into acting with his wife, Meghan Markle
He’ll be know as The Artist Formerly Known as Prince
When you hire entry-level developers to build a production app because you’re that cheap!
https://ift.tt/2TIj5tG
What’s the best cheese to bait bear traps with
Cammom-bear! (sorry if ya heard this one already)
