When the Ryzen 5 beats the Core i9
What do you call a ghost’s boobs?
Paranormal entitties.
Put a load in the dishwasher earlier
My wife prefers to call it intercourse
What starts with E, ends with E, and has only 1 letter in it?
DAD: What starts with E, ends with E, and has only 1 letter in it? SON: Envelope.
Getting ladies to stop eating Tide pods was relatively easy.
But for whatever reason, it was much more difficult to deter gents.
The wheel installer at the auto factory told me, “Man, I’m so tired.”
As a muffler specialist, I replied, "I'm the one that's really exhausted."
A soldier ran up to a nun. Out of breath he asked, “Please, may I hide under your skirt. I’ll explain later.”
The nun agreed… A moment later two Military Police ran up and asked, “Sister, have you seen a soldier?” The nun replied, “He went that way.” After the MPs ran off, the soldier crawled out from under her skirt and said, “I can’t thank you enough, sister. You see, I don’t want to go to Iraq.” The nun said, “I understand completely.” The soldier added, “I hope I’m not rude, but you have a great pair of legs!” The nun replied, “If you had looked a little higher, you would have seen a great pair of balls…. I don’t want to go to Iraq either…
Why did the chicken cross the road?
No one knows. But the road will have his vengeance.
What blood type does a pessimist have?
B Negative
When it comes to nudist contests…
I barely qualify.
I’ve started saying “mucho” to all of my Mexican friends.
It means a lot to them.
We’re bringing back Memeless Mondays!
A few months ago, we tried out a concept known as “Memeless Mondays”, where, you guessed it, (most) memes are prohibited every Monday. Specifically:For the duration of this day, all image jokes must only use OC meme templates or not use any template at all (i.e. not be a meme).We won’t check for OC very thoroughly – if it can’t be found with a quick Google search for keywords, or isn’t an edit of an easily googlable template, you’re probably okay.All posts made which break the above criterion will be removed; no strikes will be administered for this violation.Response to this was generally very positive, and allowed higher quality content to shine once a week. The only reason for its abandonment was lack of available moderation – we have that now, so it’s coming back!It’s been a while, so if you have any concerns or suggestions regarding MM, leave them below. Otherwise, see you Monday.
Why didn’t 4 ask out 5
Because he was 2².
When I was ten my Mom told me to take my brother to a movie so she could set up for his surprise birthday party.
That's when I realized that he was her favorite twin, not me.
I don’t know why I love bad puns so much
It’s just how eye roll
Do you know how to spot clickbait?
Obviously not
The protests in Hong Kong have been continuous for 120 days, proving the country does not belong to China
Because nothing made in China has ever lasted more than a week.
Y’all might think that old people are boring
But you have to admit, their chairs are rockin'
A joke isn’t really a dad joke
until it’s fully groan.
What do you call a cheap circumcision
A rip off
My wife claims she can wax my chest hair without me feeling any pain at all.
I’m worried she won’t be able to pull it off.
I know global warming is bad
but wouldn't it be kinda funny if dinosaurs made humans go extinct?
What do you call a dinosaurs penis ?
Megalodong
When my wife caught me standing on the bathroom scales, sucking in my stomach, she laughed, “Ha! That’s not going to help!”
“Sure, it does.” I said. “It’s the only way I can see the numbers.”
I knew an autistic baker who could make a loaf of bread in any shape.
He had special kneads.
Did you hear about the psychic midget prison escapee?
He’s a small medium at large
I hate Russian dolls
they're so full of themselves.
What do you call it when a midget gives head?
A below job
Why do Ewoks talk quietly in the library?
They use their Endor voices.
Failed to crosspost to r/kidsarefuckingstupid for some reason so here ya go guys
https://ift.tt/2OMnLfw
People say Facebook knows more about us than we do
Facebook still thinks I have friends.
I went to a zoo today which only had a dog.
It was a Shih Tzu.
Why doesn’t Mike Tyson use a PlayStation?
Because he’s an X-Boxer
What has 15 actors, four settings, two writers, and one plot?
632 Hallmark movies.
