When women reach a certain age they start accumulating cats
This is known as many paws
What’s the difference between a hippo and a Zippo?
One's really heavy and the other's a little lighter
Breaking News: Vandals broke into the Origami Museum last night
Will keep you posted as the story unfolds.
I asked Arnold Schwarzenegger what his favourite religious holday was. He said
"Have to love Easter, baby…."
IKEA has been accused of evading over $500 million in taxes. Apparently, prosecutors have been after them for years…
…but they're having a really hard time putting their case together…
My grandfather was gravely ill and his doctor suggested coating his body with Crisco.
He went downhill really fast after that.
a skelepun
so, being a fan of Undertale, i know a skeleton of skelepuns. lemme tell ya, they’re all rib ticklers.
Old but gold
A new Army Captain was assigned to a recon company in a remote post in the desert. During his first inspection, he noticed a camel hitched up behind the mess tent. He asked the First Sergeant why the camel is kept there. "Well, sir," was the nervous reply, "as you know, there are 250 men here and no women. And sir, sometimes the men have …m-m-m…. urges. That's why we have the camel, sir." The Captain said, "I can't say that I condone this, but I understand about urges, so the camel can stay." About a month later, the Captain started having a real problem with his own urges. Crazy with passion, he asked the First Sergeant to bring the camel to his tent. Putting a stool behind the camel, the Captain stood on it, pulled down his pants, and had wild, insane sex with the camel. When he was done, he asked the First Sergeant, "Is that how the men do it?" "Uh, no sir," the First Sergeant replied. "They usually just ride the camel into town where the girls are."
Why didn’t Dwayne Johnson’s downstairs neighbor recognize him?
Because he’s been living under a rock.
“I used to be a Christian”
The girl said. The boy chuckled "that's fine what made you Convert?" The girl turned and said "I feel more like a Christina than a Christian"
![….yep [OC]](https://jokejet.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/04/5rnyflkg09q41-1-400x413.png)
I can’t find my “Gone in 60 seconds” DVD
It was here a minute ago
My gf tried to persuade me to have sex on the hood of her Honda Civic
I refused. If I'm going to have sex with her, it's going to be on my own Accord
How much room do fungi need to grow?
As mushroom as possible.
One piece of advice my dad always gave me is to learn early from your mistakes.
Probably why I’m the only child.
What’s the national bird of Syria?
American drone.
What lies on its back, 100 feet in the air?
A centipede!
A Famous Spanish Magician takes the stage for his world famous disappearing act…
He quiets the audience by raising his hand and then begins to speak… "Uno…" "Dos…" And then he vanished without a Tres.
You shouldn’t fart in the Apple Store
because they have no windows
I was at a local bar when a woman
at a table a few feet away from me sneezed and her glass eye came out and I caught it. I handed it back to her and she popped it in and said thank you. She was a beautiful woman. Gorgeous face stunning body and a beautiful smile to boot. The woman of my dreams right in front of me. A few moments pass by and she comes up to me and asks for my number and I looked around the room. Surely she must’ve been mistaken. I said “ who me?!!!?” She said “yes of course you. I don’t usually do this kind of thing but you just sort of caught my eye.”
She: “What’s your birthday?”
Me: "January first." She: "What year?" Me: "Every year."
What’s the best thing about Switzerland?
I don't know but the flag is a big plus.
What do you call a cheap circumsision?
A rip off.
Christmas joke
A 17 year old male walks into a drug store. He says "I've been invited to Christmas dinner at my new girlfriend's house. Afterwards I hope there is a chance I get lucky, you know what I mean" Clerk: "How about condoms then? They could come in handy. Here's a pack." The young man after paying walks to the door, stops, smiles, comes back: "you know what, the mom is also smoking hot, I think I'll take another pack, just in case I get extra lucky." Christmas eve comes around, the boy sits at the dinner table and doesn't say a word. After a while his girlfriend says: "if I had known you were so quiet, I wouldn't have invited you." the young man replies "if you had told me your dad works at a drug store, I wouldn't have come."
What are you drinking there?
I dunno water you drinking?
A sheep, a drum and a snake fell off a cliff….
Bah-dum tssssssss
Did you hear about the guy who made the knock knock jokes?
He won the no bell prize
I went to a seminar about unlocking my Chakras
It was really eye-opening
I’ll never use that dictionary again…
The definition it gave for "obfuscate" was confusing and misleading.
My grandfather says he survived mustard gas and pepper sprays during war.
He's a seasoned veteran.
