He's now a seasoned veteran.
… the woman asks the man, "How would you like to get out of here?" and the man is stunned. He never thought a woman like her would ever approach him so he agrees. They both get into his car and drive really far. He stops at a cliff with the view of the whole city. Within seconds they start taking off their clothes. After 15 minutes of vigorous sex they finally finish. They both put their clothes on and they both just sit there awkwardly. The woman speaks up and says "I'm a prostitute and its going to be 100 dollars for my service." The man is stunned and saddened that she didn't really like him. He gives her the money and they both sit there awkwardly. The woman tells him that she is ready to leave and the man replies "I'm a taxi driver and its going to be 150 dollars for the ride here and back."
My next trip to the bathroom could spell disaster.
I will preface this by saying I work in IT. The other day we were watching tv when my son started playing in front of the screen. The first statement I could come up with was “you’ve got to sit down your dad’s not a glassmaker” My wife’s response was “but he does work with Windows” I am a proud husband.
What genius decided to call it Erectile Dysfunction and not Ballzheimer's?
A man sits next to another man on the train and pulls out a photo of his wife “isn’t she beautiful?”
Other man: “If you think she’s beautiful you should see my wife” First man: “Why? Is she a stunner?” Other man: “No, she’s an ophthalmologist”
A light saber
they'd eventually find me attractive.
Anyway, I lost my job at the aquarium today.
Incase they have to Draw blood.
It's not a beautiful poem, but its very deep.
Instead, they got: French Industry, American culture, and British cuisine
Igloos it together
Make America grate again!
..It was the best dam program I've ever seen.
Spread the news
You can hear a pin drop, after all.
A no-bell price
No text found
I popped over the cube, oreo in hand "I'm working on my beach ball bod"
Because he can neverland.
I pressed the home button and I’m still at work.
No shit Sherlock
Two immigrants from Africa arrive in the United States and are discussing the difference between their country and the U.S.
One of them mentions he's heard that people in the U.S. eat dogs, and if they're going to fit in, they better eat dogs as well. So they head to the nearest hot dog stand and order two 'dogs.' The first guy unwraps his, looks at it, and nervously looks at his friend. "Which part did you get?" Edit: Thank you for the gold, kind stranger!
Because they can't multiply.
Then I saw the next two letters…
He’s a giant banner after all.
All the red flags.
A head banger