When you finally get the CSS working correctly
It’s easy to convince ladies not to eat tide pods.
But it's harder to deter gents. I'll let myself out.
So, I’m reading this book written in Braille…
I just know something terribleâs about to happen… I can feel it.
I organised a secret bukkake party for my girlfriend…
Everybody came, you should have seen her face!
Wife asks her husband “Am I the only one you’ve ever been with?”
The husband replies reassuringly "yes you are honey" — to which his wife embraces him comfortably …the husband continues on to say "the rest have been 8's, 9's, and even some 10's!" Edit: why was this marked as wholesome LOL
Why is it easy to come up with nicknames for a tree?
Because they stick. I came up with this one, I hope it's good cause it's my only achievement in life.
My friend fell in an Egyptian river last week, but swears he didnât.
He was in De Nile
What blood type does a pessimist have?
B Negative
How does Jesus make tea?
He brews it
My mom used to feed me by saying: âHere comes the train!â I always ate everything.
Otherwise she wouldnât untie me from the tracks.
I warned my daughter about using her whistle inside and gave her one last chance
Unfortunately she blew it
I donât like stand-up comedy
But I do like sitting down
Shit Ain’t Funny Anymore. Stop making Excuses For That Guy Who Occupies The white House.
https://ift.tt/2VYradO
When does a bad joke become a dad joke
When you replace the b with a d
I edited my pig’s genes to make it taste better
you might even say the bacon is CRISPR
My wife walked in on me while I was watching porn.
In a panic reflex I instantly changed to a random channel, the fishing channel. As my wife walks out again she says: "you should stay on the porn channel… you know how to fish."
There are 3 unwritten rules in life
1. 2. 3.
Why did Waldo wear stripes?
Cause he didn't want to be spotted!
How did the farmer catch his cheating wife?
He tractor down.
Wife: I haven’t seen you use the bathroom all week
Me: No shit. I'm constipated.
A leaf and an emo fall from a tree. Who hits the ground first?
The leaf. The rope stopped the emo.
Doctor just told a nun that she is pregnant.
Nun: "Doctor, you can't be serious – I haven't had sex with a man even once in my entire life! I am saving myself for God!" Doc: "Sorry, but the tests show undoubtedly that you are pregnant…" Nun leaves the doctor in anger and bursts back into church shouting: "Ok, who in the name of the God HAD CUM ONTO THE CANDLES!!!"
My boss is like school in summertime..
No class.
What is Beethovenâs favourite fruit?
Ba na na na
Interviewer: How do you explain this 4 year gap on your resume?
Me: Thatâs when I went to Yale. Interviewer: Thatâs impressive. You are hired. Me: Thanks. I really need this Yob.
How can you tell if you have a high sperm count?
When your girlfriend has to chew before she swallows.
iPhone 12 Commercial Parody – 48 CAMERAS!!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6-1h1wU-ODM&ab_channel=DanielJacobsFilms
A guy walks into a drugstore and asks the pharmacist…
"I've gotta know, does Viagra really work?" The pharmacist replied, "it sure does. In fact, I use it myself." "Good to know. Can you get it over the counter?" "Well, yes, if I take two of them."
