A married couple is lying in bed one night. The wife is curled up, ready to go to sleep, and the husband turns his bed lamp on to read a book. As he's reading, he periodically reaches over to his wife and fondles her special bits. He does this a few times, but only for a very short interval before returning to read his book.The wife gradually becomes more and more aroused and, assuming that her husband is seeking some encouragement before going further, she gets up and starts stripping in front of him. The husband is confused and asks, "Why are you taking off your clothes"? His wife replies, "You were rubbing me downtown. I thought it was foreplay". The husband says, "No, not at all". His wife asks angrily, "Well, what the hell were you doing then"? I was just wetting my fingers so I could turn the pages in my book.
His funeral was very low key
It goes back four seconds.
It was a piece of cake 🍰!!! 😂
It’s all about raisin awareness.
He charged one and let the other one off.
Slaves are given food and housing.
It could only yellow.
Doctors now confirm that it was only Saturday Night Fever and they assure everyone that he is Staying Alive.
The first act is a girl trying to tie a knot with a cherry stem in her mouth. She tries and tries, but she just cant do it. A guy from the audience yells out, "Hey, maybe you should practice with my dick!" Most of the audience laughs. The girl requests a microphone and a nearby teacher obliges. The girl says into the microphone, "I think I should get good with the cherry stem before I try anything smaller."
Cop: It’s a…moving violation.
..I had no idea anyone could stoop so low!
I answered: “Well, I think my greatest weakness is my poor listening skills.”
When it leaves you and never comes back.
Police: "hi you're the first people today with their seatbelts on, so we want to give you an award of 5000 dollar." The policeman seeing the happy couple gets curious and asks "what are you going to do with the money?" The man answers: "I'm going to take lessons for my driver's license" The woman: " don't listen to him. When he is drunk he says stupid things!" The man on the backseat: "I told you not to ride in a stolen car!" A voice from the trunk: "did we cross the border?"
As he turned and sneered at me, I thought, "that's a little condescending."
He asks his guard for a McDonald's Ice Cream, and lives a very long life, they never found a working machine.
A male whale and a female whale were swimming off the coast of Japan when they noticed a whaling ship. The male whale recognized it as the same ship that had harpooned his father many years earlier. He said to the female whale, "Lets both swim under the ship and blow out of our air holes at the same time and it should cause the ship to turn over and sink." They tried it and sure enough, the ship turned over and quickly sank. Soon however, the whales realized the sailors had jumped overboard and were swimming to the safety of shore. The male was enraged that they were going to get away and told the female, "Let's swim after them and gobble them up before they reach the shore." At this point, he realized the female was becoming reluctant to follow him. "Look," she said, "I went along with the blow job, but I absolutely refuse to swallow the seamen." Edit: I think it's bad that I'm more excited watching this get ups that I was about the whole of Christmas
A lot of black people would try to mug me
until it’s fully groan.
…does that mean there's a wifetime guarantee?
certain circumstances funny
i never get a straight answer
"The bad news is it's brain cancer."
I replied, people who sell fruit and vegetables to eat are grocer
There's a steep learning curve.
Dad: Spell! Kid: Spell who? Dad: W… H… O…
Apparently there is a New Delhi.
Fine, suture self.
He fixed it and said, “Beep repaired”
A look over the shoulder.
1.) Your time with them Is brief so treasure it. 2.) They LOVE chocolate.
That takes the number of girls I've made wet this year to -1.
One takes things literally and the other takes things, literally.