When you make your imaginary friend quite irate
Fat. You get fat. What? Like I would make a pie joke on my cake day?
The staff went on strike.
All he did was wine
The plot was predictable, and the special f(x) was terrible.
There‘s one less drunk.
one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks. They charged one – and let the other off.
Put it in water If it sinks girl ant If it floats boyant
Anna 1, Anna 2
He got tanked
It's the only day I'll tolerate high maintenance people.
Son to mother: "Mom, all the kids in the school are making fun of me because I am still a virgin." Mother: "Well, start giving them bad grades and they will stop."
I gave him a glass of water.
Cu Tips of to my classmate for telling me this
The hot dog vendor hands over the sausage and bun with all the trimmings, and the Buddhist hands over a twenty. The vendor pockets it. The Buddhist asks “Where’s my change?” and the vendor replies “change must come from within”. A gun then extends from the Buddhist’s chest and he asks again. The vendor says “Whoa, man, where did that come from?” The Buddhist replies “This is my inner piece”.
This just happened at the dinner table. My Dad was talking about how he got up very early for work. The conversation went like this: Dad: “Man, I woke up way too early this morning and it completely threw me out of sync.” Me: “Well, why were you sleeping in the sink?” My Mom rolled her eyes. I am Dad now.
“I bet it’s the snooty bitch at number twenty three,” she replied.
You say Cheese!
Why didn’t Elsa see a doctor for her sore throat and cough? Because a cold never bothered her anyway! ~ My youngest son thought of that all by himself!
He's a 38-year-old lawyer in Nebraska…
and if I wear my robes to the wedding she’ll leave me at the Altaïr
That day, I was bamboozled.
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You should of seen her face when I drove pasta.
It was a complete waist of time…
But it is graphs where I draw the line.
I don’t believe him.