When you were right the whole time
There would be mass confusion!
Lincoln. Cause he was in a cent.
And boy are my arms legs
I need an answer like RIGHT NOW!!!
Too many Loggins attempts.
He wanted to put his money where his mouth is
Because a moon rock is a little meteor
It tells you exactly where you arrrr!!!
They're all females, otherwise they'd be uncles
I really need to keep an ion them.
My dad died last year when my family couldn’t remember his blood type in time for paramedics to save him.
As he died, he kept insisting for us to “be positive”, but it’s hard without him.
Well I’m not gonna spread it!
I pleaded, “But baby, it’s cold outside.”
When the bartender yelled, "Does anyone know CPR?" I said back, "CPR? I know the whole alphabet!" Everyone laughed, except this one guy.
Name under sign: N. Vitamin
Is sphere itself.
Because sin90 = cot45
A politician visited a remote little rural village and asked the inhabitants what the government could do for them.
“We have two big needs,” said the village headman. “First, we have a hospital but no doctor.” The politician whipped out his cellphone, spoke for a while and then said: “I have sorted it out. A doctor will arrive here tomorrow. What is your other need?” “We have no cellphone reception at all in our village.”
Wife asks "Why do you think that?" He replies "Because Rudolph the Red knows rain, dear…" (Not mine, my dad found it somewhere and was very proud of making the family groan…)
to Barack Obama’s Fault
You stalk it.
So when people ask me ‘are you fucking insane?’ I’ll say no, I’m fucking my sister.
I it helps when I Kant Handel.
A passing soldier notices this, walks over and rolls his pants across the car. Magically, the car unlocks. The woman is relieved but puzzled, asking him how he did it. "That's easy. These are khakis."
Your mom is so fat that, a group of people started believing that your mom is actually flat. [EDIT] OMG, thanks for the Platinum Wow, thanks for the support guys
My brother took going to jail really badly. He refused all offers of food and drink, spat and swore at anyone who came near him, and smeared the walls with his own feces.
After that, we never played Monopoly again.