The bartender asks: “What can I get you?” The construction worker says “One beer for me, and one for the road.”
That was my wholemeal.
whose dick was so long that it bent. So to save him some trouble, he tucked it in double, and so instead of coming, he went. Do limericks count as jokes?
I rest in peas.
When he arrives at the Pearly Gates, God is there to receive him. "Welcome. You are permitted to ask me one question, which I will answer truthfully." Without hesitating, the conspiracy theorist asks, "Who really shot Kennedy?" God replies, "Lee Harvey Oswald shot him from sixth floor of the Texas School Book Depository. There were no accomplices. He acted alone" The conspiracy theorist pauses, thinks to himself, then says "Shit! This goes higher up than I thought…"
He’ll stop at nothing to avoid them
Unless you multiply yourself by the spped of light squared then you Energy
Those are my favourite one liners.
I guess we are raised differently…
He said they were freebees.
Acquaintance: Why the hell is he called Mayo? He’s not even white! Mayo: [neighs]
My son's shitty drawing of a snake
[M] And asks to try on some of the suits. The salesman obliges and gives him some options. The customer, however, hates all the options and after an hour of trying them on, throws the suits down in disgust. “These are all terrible!” The customer cries. Exasperated, the salesman throws his hands in the air and says, “Fine, suit yourself!”
Because if it were served warm, it would be justwater.
Schwepped her off her feet
It's all in the delivery
I'm under a lot of pressure
Those who understand binary, and those who don`t
I don't know, they just ransomware.
but I just couldn’t fit my head that far up my ass
i’ve never had beef with any of them
They're both reasonably shocked, but are very supportive. They assure him that they still love him, and wish he'd told them sooner. Everything seems to be going great, until the father poses a question to his son that makes the young man really think. "How are you going to focus on college if you're spending all your time being a moderator on Reddit?"
Its not my normal day job, I'm just doing it to make Hens meet.
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Because as soon as you take the dog home it makes a bolt for the door.
My screen is blue, I think I deleted system32.
Edit：Wow thanks for the gold kind stranger!
It makes my day
They found a lamp and rubbed it. A genie popped out and granted them each one wish. The redhead wished to be back home. Poof! She was back home. The brunette wished to be at home with her family. Poof! She was back home with her family. The blonde said, "Awwww, I wish my friends were here."
Me at age 10: “I wish I was a dog. They’re always happy, get to run around all day, and everyone loves them!”
Me at age 24: "I wish I was a dog. I'd have died by now."
because if they flew over the bay, they'd be bagels.
When I hear all the people complaining about the Nanochip that is implanted with the Covid vaccine I think about when I was young and had to swallow a whole floppy disc for the Polio vaccine