When your code compiles without any errors on a Friday!
I’m going to hell for this one….
A teacher, a lawyer, and a priest were sitting together on an airplane. The pilot comes over the PA and says “I’m sorry folks, but we’ve just lost both engines. We’re going to crash and die.” The teacher exclaims “Oh my God, the poor children!” The lawyer replies “Fuck the children!” The priest asks “Do we have time?”
I have mixed views on immigration.
I'm foreign against it.
What do you call a witch that only eats sand?
Malnourished.
We all know where the Big Apple is…
But does anyone know where the Minneapolis?
I remember my childhood quite fondly when Dad used to roll us down the hill inside car tires.
Those were the Good Years.
Ahhhh, I remember 2018 like it was yesterday.
http://bit.ly/2BQMo33
Did you hear about the man who lost his left arm and left leg in an accident?
He's all right now.
What does a tree say once it’s spring?
What a releaf!
Karen got hired to an offshore rig during the pandemic.
She's an essential oil worker now.
“Of course I won’t laugh,” said the nurse
"I'm a professional. In over 20 years, I've never laughed at a patient." "Ok then," said Bob, and he proceeded to drop his trousers, revealing the smallest male part the nurse had ever seen. In length and width it was the same size as a AAA battery. Unable to control herself, the nurse tried to stop a giggle but it just came out. Feeling very badly that she laughed at the mans penis, she composed herself as well as she could. "I'm so sorry," she said, "I don't know what came over me. On my honour as a nurse and a lady, I promise it won't happen again. Now tell me, what seems to be the problem?" "It's swollen" She ran out of the room…..
An Inventor in the 1800s created a device that instantly eliminated all bells in the world.
He was later awarded the Nobel prize for his scientific achievements. edit:OC
Did you hear about the guy who invented the knock-knock joke?
He won the no bell prize.
I hate jokes that rely on visual imagery…
I’ve had it right up to here with them!
My teachers said I couldn’t do poetry because of my dyslexia..
But so far I’ve made two bowls and a vase.
I used to date my english teacher
but she broke up with me due to incorrect use of the colon
![[OC]](https://jokejet.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/03/mix984y2num41.gif)
Three samurais compete with each other
Three samurais are sitting around a camp fire when suddenly, one boasts. "I am the world's best swordsman!" – he stands up, whips out his sword and cut a fly in half. The second samurai says,"No, I'm the best." and he sees a fly -his sword flashes twice- then the fly falls into 4 pieces. The third samurai, wanting to prove them both wrong says "Hold my sake.". He stands, slashes at a fly… and the fly continued flying. The first two samurais erupted into laughter – but the third explains "That poor fly, he can never have sex again!"
You’re a Wizard, dad!
Emma Watson?
What do you call a man with no body and no nose?
Nobody knows
My neighbor had a BBQ party, and some guest threw a grill at his face.
The attack made headlines.
I wanted to tell a cashier joke.
But I didn't think it would register.
Magician: I can make anything disappear
Tom: holding a cup Do it to my tea! Magician: waves hand Done! om: holding a cup It didn't work
A colon can completely change a sentence.
Mary ate her friend's lunch. Mary ate her friend's colon.
Seriously, why must most these things always suck? Especially Netflix and Max
Seriously, why must most these things always suck? Especially Netflix and Max
I warned my daughter about using her whistle inside the house today and gave her one last chance…
Unfortunately, she blew it…
My parents said that if I got a tattoo I’d have to get it in a place that didn’t matter…
So I got it in Appleton, Wisconsin.
Wife: honey I’m pregnant, we’re going to have our first kid
Husband, with tears in his eyes: Hi pregnant, I’m dad
Two goldfish were sitting in a tank. At one point, one of them turns to the other.
Do you know how to drive this thing?
![[Announcement] If you keep spamming your youtube channels here then your post will be marked as spam.](https://jokejet.com/wp-content/uploads/2019/11/no_image_card-91-400x247.png)
[Announcement] If you keep spamming your youtube channels here then your post will be marked as spam.
Which means that you will not only be banned from posting to this sub but you may get a shadow ban from reddit. Shadow ban means that you will not be able to post anything to ANY subreddit. Just follow the rules before posting.
Why do lamps make people happy?
They bring delight. My 7-year-old son told me this at the breakfast table this morning. He is going to be a great dad one day.
