When you’re right you’re right
You went from the ladle to the grave.
Nice lady and all, I truly loved her, but a terrible surgeon
I was tired yesterday and I am tired today as well.
A receding hare line.
No one is allowed to congregate for funerals; instead, people drive by the cemetery and honk their horns in respect. One man drives by blasting “Another One Bites The Dust”
The family wanted to be mad, but then another car drove by playing the same song, and another one does, and another one does, and another one drives a bus.
He's better off in the long run.
If it sinks it's a girl ant If it floats it's boy ant
if you pull it out in school, then everybody is suddenly your friend
His wife was up waiting for him… "You said you'd be home by 11:45!" she yelled He responded, "No my dear, I said I'd be home at a quarter of 12."
On the other hand everything is OK. Happy Fathers Day everybody
She worked knights.
At least, that's what I will hope.
He's basically a giant banner.
Because OMG they can’t even.
They'd hold out a nickle in one hand and a dime in the other and ask "Which one do you want? The nickle is bigger!" and the kid would always take the nickle. One day I took the kid aside and asked him "Don't you know the dime is worth twice as much?" He said "Yeah, but if I take the dime they won't ever do it again!"
The bar tender asked, "do you know there's a steering wheel in your pants?" And the pirate said, "arrr it's driving me nuts!"
The plot thickens.
I feel with my hands. That was my dad’s go to, directly followed by: dad: can I make you a sandwich Me: sure Dad: (does magic hands) poof you’re a sandwich It’s almost 3 years since he died. I miss his joke every damn day.
He was later awarded the Nobel prize for his scientific achievements. edit:OC
Can't believe I've spent all that money and I have nothing to chauffeur it…
She gave me ice
For hispanic attacks
when it becomes apparent.
Now I only drink for evil
Cause he didn't want to be spotted!
Good players are hard to find.
I’m galactose intolerant
I wonder if it's my wife or my girlfriend.
I'm not sure why… I wasn't even talking!