When you’re right you’re right
So you died from eating too much gravy?
You went from the ladle to the grave.
My mother always used to say “The way to a man’s heart is through his stomach”
Nice lady and all, I truly loved her, but a terrible surgeon
I am retired…
I was tired yesterday and I am tired today as well.
![IT FUNNY BECAUSE [OBVIOUS JOKE]](https://jokejet.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/11/3whgu0iwt7z11-400x694.png)
What do you call 100 rabbits walking backwards?
A receding hare line.
No one is allowed to congregate for funerals; instead, people drive by the cemetery and honk their horns in respect. One man drives by blasting “Another One Bites The Dust”
The family wanted to be mad, but then another car drove by playing the same song, and another one does, and another one does, and another one drives a bus.
My nephew does well in marathons but poorly in the 100 yard dash…
He's better off in the long run.
Did you know you can tell if an ant is a boy or a girl by dropping it in water?
If it sinks it's a girl ant If it floats it's boy ant
Chocolate is like guns
if you pull it out in school, then everybody is suddenly your friend
A mathematics professor arrived home at 3 am drunk…
His wife was up waiting for him… "You said you'd be home by 11:45!" she yelled He responded, "No my dear, I said I'd be home at a quarter of 12."
I broke 2 fingers on my right hand today
On the other hand everything is OK. Happy Fathers Day everybody
Why was the castle prostitute tired all the time?
She worked knights.
![[NSFW]. I hope she gets a clue](https://jokejet.com/wp-content/uploads/2019/07/m8bvpjxqngc31-400x711.jpg)
I learned how to time-travel tomorrow.
At least, that's what I will hope.
I don’t know why Marvel hasn’t tried to put advertisements on Hulk…
He's basically a giant banner.
Why do teenage girls only hang around in groups of odd numbers?
Because OMG they can’t even.
The guys loitering on the street had been trolling this kid for a couple of years.
They'd hold out a nickle in one hand and a dime in the other and ask "Which one do you want? The nickle is bigger!" and the kid would always take the nickle. One day I took the kid aside and asked him "Don't you know the dime is worth twice as much?" He said "Yeah, but if I take the dime they won't ever do it again!"
A pirate walked into a bar with a steering wheel in his pants.
The bar tender asked, "do you know there's a steering wheel in your pants?" And the pirate said, "arrr it's driving me nuts!"
I recently poured concrete for the foundation of a house.
The plot thickens.
Hey dad, how do you feel?
I feel with my hands. That was my dad’s go to, directly followed by: dad: can I make you a sandwich Me: sure Dad: (does magic hands) poof you’re a sandwich It’s almost 3 years since he died. I miss his joke every damn day.
An Inventor in the 1800s created a device that instantly eliminated all bells in the world.
He was later awarded the Nobel prize for his scientific achievements. edit:OC
Just spent $300 on a limousine and discovered that the fee doesn’t include a driver.
Can't believe I've spent all that money and I have nothing to chauffeur it…
Wife offered me water, I asked for something harder
She gave me ice
Why did Juan take Xanax
For hispanic attacks
When does a pun become a dad joke?
when it becomes apparent.
Today I quit drinking for good
Now I only drink for evil
Why did Waldo wear stripes?
Cause he didn't want to be spotted!
I tried to organize a Hide and Seek tournament, but I eventually gave up.
Good players are hard to find.
As soon as space travel is possible, I’m moving from the Milky Way to the Soymilky Way galaxy
I’m galactose intolerant
Apparently one in three people cheat.
I wonder if it's my wife or my girlfriend.
My wife just put on a dress and asked me to zip it
I'm not sure why… I wasn't even talking!
