Who Do You Think You Are, Runnin Round Leaving Scars
me: Herbert pregnant wife: but what if it’s a b- me: Himbert
..until the police came and removed me from the library.
One day, someone asked Fred where to find the medical building. Fred replied, "Its over there and to the left. I do brain research in there." Fred is an expert on the hippocampus.
They weren't ready to face the Khansequences.
I think my mother did a commendable job in that regard.
Because I stole it from my neighbor…
It was the best dam program I've ever seen
One evening, he passed by an alley, and a prostitute yelled at him, "Fifty dollars will buy you a good time!" He responded by saying "How's about 5 dollars?", jokingly, and kept walking. This same thing kept happening every Saturday for a couple weeks; every time Bill passed the prostitute, she would offer him her services for fifty dollars, and he would decline and say he'd only pay five. One evening, however, Hillary asked if she could come along on the walk with him, and Bill reluctantly agreed, nervous about what Hillary would say if the prostitute yelled at him again. They went on the walk, and when they passed the alley, to Bill's surprise, the prostitute was silent, and they continued on their walk. As they were about to round the corner, however, they heard the prostitute's voice from behind them, "So that's what five dollars gets you, huh?"
They all laughed at me and told me she is isn't real. Well Jokes on them because neither are they
A pregnant woman who is expecting triplets walks into a bank, while she is in there a robber walks in and shouts for everyone to get down on the ground, the woman is too slow so the man shoots her 3 times and runs away from the scene. The woman survives, and the doctor told her that in 12 years, each of her children will have to pass the bullet. So in 12 years, her 1st son walks up to her and says ‘mum I’ve just peed out a bullet’ so she tells him the story.Her Daughter then walks up and says the same, so again the mother tells the story.Then her 3rd son walks up to her and says ‘mum you’ll never guess what’ which she replies with ‘let me guess you peed out a bullet’ which he replies with ‘no, I was masturbating and I shot the dog’.
There’s no going back now…
I wanted to name our son Miles but my wife thought we should go with something more universally accepted.
So we named him Kilometers
The worst part is the news says this is just the tip of the iceberg and what I need to use as TP tomorrow romaines to be seen. Stay safe kids, Dad
rolls around in the dirt and cross back? A dirty double crosser.
They’re a little meteor.
as she is standing behind him in a hotel lobby. The man apologizes profusely and says "if your heart is as soft as your breasts, I know you'll forgive me." To which the woman replied "if your dick is as hard as your elbow, I'm in room 318."
Its very time consuming.
They don't sell alcohol to miners
… be ready to deal with the re-percussions.
For example, right now you’re thinking, “It’s psychic, idiot.”
Add a nipple to it.
He ended up getting the cold shoulder
First, I bought one apple for a dollar with my savings. Then I went out on the street and sold it there for two dollars. With the two dollars I bought two apples for 1$ each and again sold them for 2 dollars each. Now I had 4 dollars and was able to buy 4 apples, which, you may have guessed, I sold for 2 dollars each. Now I had 8 dollars and I bought 8 apples and so on and so on… A few days later my aunt died and I inherited her assets.
Now he's in pane.
Boil the heck out of it.
I know there is a joke here but I can't find it.
Its days are numbered.
I told him “You can’t be Sirius”
Went swimming today. Took a pee in the deep end. Life guard noticed and started blowing his whistle.
I was so scared, I almost fell in.
Asking for a friend.
I guess they’re aimed at a younger audience.
But they're all too basic 🙁
So I just came in my pants.
Zero fucks were given.
Crap! I mean dyslexia