WHO ELSE REMEMBERS THIS😂 #HIMYM #IMSOSADSOMEBODYHOLDME
I think its days are numbered.
She was a mathemachicken.
She told em to pipe down.
A bright, young graduate joined the Internal Revenue Service. Anxious for his first investigation he was a bit perturbed when he was assigned to audit a Rabbi.
Looking over the books and taxes was pretty straightforward and the Rabbi was clearly very frugal, so he thought he’d make his day interesting by having a little fun with the Rabbi. “Rabbi,” he said, “I noticed that you buy a lot of candles.” “Yes,” answered the Rabbi. “Well, Rabbi, what do you do with the candle drippings?” he asked. “A good question,” noted the Rabbi. “We actually save them up, and when we have enough we send them back to the candle maker. And every now and then, they send us a free box of candles.” “Oh,” replied the auditor, somewhat disappointed that his unusual question actually had a practical answer. So he thought he’d go on, in the traditional obnoxious way… “Rabbi, what about all these cookie purchases? What do you do with the crumbs from the cookies?” “Ah, yes,” replied the Rabbi calmly, “we actually collect up all the crumbs from the cookies and when we have enough we send them in a box back to the manufacturer. Every now and then, they send a box of cookies.” “Oh,” replied the auditor, thinking hard how to fluster the Rabbi. “Well, Rabbi,” he went on, “what do you do with all the foreskins from the circumcisions?” “Yes, here too, we do not waste,” answered the Rabbi. “What we do is save up all the foreskins and when we have enough we actually send them to the IRS.” “The IRS?” asked the auditor in disbelief. “Ah, yes,” replied the Rabbi, “the IRS. And about once a year they send us a little dick like you.”
A Four-chin teller.
Is that you coffin?
Once upon a time there was this lobster…
Apparently, "Being a carpenter and getting nailed to a wooden cross" isn't a good example.
But does anyone know where the Minneapolis Edit: some of us don't spend our lives on r/jokes and as such don't realise things are reposts.
Me: Well I don't know about that, but I'll give Bohemian Rhapsody a try.
I call it the remorse code
They're the reason ice mocha lot of weed
Feeling cannelloni right now.
So they can let me down one last time.
When the smart kid corrects the teacher about plasma Me:Laughs in Bose Einstein condensate! I don’t even go to school anymore I graduated, why am a making school memes at 3 AM…
Nuts and bolts.
He came closer and asked what problem is. Old man: I’m looking for my son, but I’m gonna lose my hope. Jesus pitied the man and said, “let’s look for your son together.” After some time, Jesus asked him that if he has some birthmark or else to recognize him more easily. Yes, said the old man. “He had nails driven on his hands and feet.” Jesus started and hugged the man, saying “FATHER!” The old man screamed happily, “PINOCCHIO!”
While taking a left turn the boyfriend asks " Babe , can you check if the indicator is working. " The blonde look around and says " Yes No Yes No Yes No Yes No Yes No Yes No Yes No Yes No Yes No Yes No Yes No Yes No Yes…"
A senõr citizen.
"Who the fuck had sex with my wife? he snarled angrily A voice was hears in the background, "You don't have enough bullets mate!"
So my science teacher thinks that the nucleus is the power house of the cell. Not the mitochondria. Should we rebel?
Pun in, ten dead.
I dont know how you sleep at night
He was named first!
She made me promise that when she died, I would plant her strawberries on her grave so that people could enjoy them when they visited. When she passed away I fulfilled my promise. She’s dead and berried.
I tried to find a lighter and they had only 45324 matches…
The flight attendant sees a suspicious looking couple on board, so she reports it to the Captain immediately.
"Sir, I think we have a case of human trafficking! There is a very pretty, hot and sexy, female passenger on board, who looks quite frightened and the man she is with is a fat old slob who looks like a lecher, very sullen, mean and dangerous!" The captain responds, "Patricia, I've told you this before. This is Air Force One…"