Who thought this was a good format
some guys told me this isn’t boomer humor.. wife ugly but she put big things in mouth hehe
https://ift.tt/2z5YrvC
Hand Jobs $20 (NSFW)
A man walks into a sandwich shop and looks at the menu board. It reads Grilled Cheese – $3 Ham and Cheese $5 Roast Beef – $6 Hand jobs -$20 A beautiful blond with huge tits comes to the register and says "what will you have handsome?" "Are you the one that gives the handjobs?" He asks. "Yes I am!." She replies with a wink. "Well wash your fucking hands, I'll have a Grilled Cheese sandwich."
There is one word spelled wrong in the dictionary.
No text found
All you gotta do is use a free VPN, and yet they think they are actually achieving something
All you gotta do is use a free VPN, and yet they think they are actually achieving something
Why did the kid cross the playground?
To get to the other slide.
Wanna hear a joke about the ozone layer?
[depleted]
Why don’t you hear psychiatrists when they go to the bathroom?
The p is silent.
People say I’m a plagiarist…
Their words, not mine.
I sell balloons for $1 each, or if you want them blown up it’s $1.20.
I’ve adjusted the price to allow for inflation.
My whole life I thought Chewbacca was an ewok
Wookie mistake.
What’s big, gray, and makes you jump?
The elephant of surprise.
A friend asked me,” What rhymes with orange?”
I said," No, it doesn't."
There are two reasons you shouldn’t drink toilet water
Number one, and number two
I just got into a car accident!
The other driver got out of his car, and turns out he was a dwarf. He ran up to me and exclaimed "I'm not happy!" So I said, "Well, which one are you then?"
Shoutout to my Grandpa!
Because that's the only way he can hear.
My daughter asked for a Cinderella themed birthday party,..
So I made her and friends mop the floor and do the dishes.
Why don’t ghosts go into gyms?
Because people are exorcising.
I don’t get the purpose of an air filter
It just sits there and collects dust.
How to nail a job interview
At a winery, the regular taster died and the director started looking for a new one to hire. A drunkard with a ragged, dirty look came in to apply for the position. The director of the winery wondered how to send him away. He gave him a glass to drink. The drunk tried it and said, “It's a Muscat, three years old, grown on a north slope, matured in steel containers. Low grade, but acceptable.” "That's correct", said the boss. Another glass… “This is a Cabernet, eight years old, a south-western slope, oak barrels, matured at 8 degrees. Requires three more years for finest results.” "Correct." A third glass… "It's a Pinot Blanc Champagne, high grade and exclusive,'' the drunk said calmly. The director was astonished. He winked at his secretary, secretly suggesting something. She left the room, and came back in with a glass of urine. The alcoholic tried it. "It's a blonde, 26 years old, three months pregnant and if I don't get the job I'll name the father."
The Greeks invented sex
The Italians just introduced it to women
Scientists have succeeded in growing human vocal chords in a Petri dish.
The results speak for themselves!
I heard this girl talking about how much she hates stalkers.
I nearly fell out of my tree.
Did you hear about the day the cows ran away?
It was udder madness
My Asian roommate says I have schizophrenia.
Jokes on him, I don't have a roommate.
Does anyone want to be in a platonic relationship?
I’m asking for a friend.
My son called me a simp, after I googled what it meant, I said
then you're a simpson.
Why do people in Athens hate waking up early?
Because Dawn is tough on Greece
If you took all the people in the world who fall asleep during church, and laid them head to toe in a straight line
They’d all be a lot more comfortable
In pharmacology all drugs have a generic name.
Tylenol is acetaminophen, Advil is ibuprofen, and so on. The FDA has been looking for a generic name for Viagra, and announced today that they have settled on Mycoxafloppin.
A man goes into a library and asks for a book about Pavlov’s dogs and Schrodinger’s cat.
The librarian says, "It rings a bell, but I don't know whether it's there or not."