Whoever did this is a genius.
Because as soon as you take the dog home it makes a bolt for the door.
He was a real tan gent.
I guess I shouldn’t drink Mr. Pb again
It's really gonna spice up the autobiography.
and everyone inside dies. They then get to meet their maker, and because of the grief they have experienced, he decides to grant them one wish each before they enter paradise. They're all lined up, and God asks the first one what the wish is. "I want to be gorgeous," and so God snaps his fingers, and it is done. The second one in line hears this and says "I want to be gorgeous, too." Another snap of his fingers and the wish is granted. This goes on for a while but when God is halfway down the line, the last guy in line starts laughing. When there are only ten people left, this guy is rolling on the floor, laughing his ass off. Finally, God reaches this guy and asks him what his wish will be. The guy calms down and says: "Make 'em all ugly again."
They have many fans.
Because if it had 4 doors it would be a chicken sedan
I was shocked but he wasn't
One to promise a brighter future and the rest to screw it up.
No text found
"We don't sell alcohol to anyone under 18", says the bartender.
That way he doesn't hit anything
I went inside to pay and saw two policemen in the store. I said "Did you guys see that woman out there?" They looked outside and suddenly darted out the door. I turn and see she caught her arm on fire. The policemen threw a blanket around her and wrestled her to the ground and put out the fire. Then they gave her a ticket! After they came inside I asked why they gave her a ticket. Turns out she didn't have a license for that firearm.
A ginger bread man. Just came up with this. Sorry for your eyes.
There would be mass confusion.
Quacks in the pavement.
“Hello 911.” “What’s your emergency?” “These men won’t stop laughing.” “That’s annoying, but not a crime.”
“Wtf is manslaughter then.”
He misses you.
A lottery winner decides to fulfill his lifelong dream of owning a horse and goes to a high end stable.
"I'm not really sure which kind I want," he tells the owner. "Well, it depends on what you want them to do," the owner says. "Over here, we have a Type A horse – good workers, but temperamental. Back there eating hay you have a Type B horse – mostly good for companionship." "That sounds interesting. What about the one swimming in the lake over there?" the lottery winner says. "Oh, him? That's a C horse."
Because they are hill areas!
It suffered from withdrawals.
He can't sweat, but he pants.
Me: I've seen this before. Whatever I wish for will come back and bite me in some way. Genie: I promise that won't happen. I'm so sure it won't I'll give you infinite wishes if it does. Me: Okay. I wish for a boomerang with teeth. Genie: You son of a ……..
It doesn't last long for fat people
With iPhone accessories.
Because they stick. I came up with this one, I hope it's good cause it's my only achievement in life.
I have no idea who let her into my office.
You look at your X and wonder Y.
He's a karma-karma-karma-karma-karma-chameleon.
The entire novel was a sub-plot.
It was the pot calling the cattle back.
It's called "wedding cake."
My middle child, who loves rice, declined the yellow rice we offered him because apparently he only likes one type of rice. Without missing a beat my daughter (11 y/o) exclaimed, "stop being rice-ist." My job is done, clearly there is no more I can teach her.
For the grater good.