Wholesome Boomer (obviously edited btw)
Boil the hell out of it.
The second one is a repost.
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Because all the Cheetahs are too easy to spot, and there are others who will end up Lion to you.
The assistant replied “ammonia cleaner” I said “I’m sorry, I thought you worked here”
Because they’re the ones making the toys!
I’ve been working on it tirelessly.
It was some pretty good footage
Tech Support: Thanks for calling our repair shop, how may I help you? Customer: I unplugged my space heater and my computer said “no signal” and went black! Tech support: Does the keyboard or mouse make it turn back on? Customer: No, it doesn’t. Tech support: Did the power strip turn off? Sometimes they trip off when something like that gets unplugged. Customer: No, it’s still on, still has the green light. Tech support: Could you follow the cords on your computer and make sure none are frayed? Customer: (rustle rustle) Okay, both cords are fine. They’re good as new. Tech support: (Thinking, both cords? There should be more than 2 on a desktop) Could you tell me where the cords go? Customer: One goes to the wall, and the other one goes to the space heater. Tech support: The cord on your computer goes to the space heater? Customer: Yes. Tech support: (facepalm) Try plugging the “space heater” back in. Customer: Oh! Now the computer is working again.
You get your palm red for free
That's naan-sense, of course.
I said "where are you going?" He replied "Fancy dress party" "What as?" I asked "Tortoise" the man shouted back "Who's she?" I questioned To which he responded "That's Michelle"
It’s always the centre of a tension.
so I tried it. It doesn't.
The father, surprised, answers, “Well, son, a woman goes through three phases. In her 20s, a woman’s breasts are like melons, round and firm. In her 30s and 40s, they are like pears, still nice, hanging a bit. After 50, they are like onions.” “Onions?” the son asks. “Yes. You see them and they make you cry.” This infuriated his wife and daughter. The daughter asks, “Mom, how many different kinds of willies are there?” The mother smiles and says, “Well, dear, a man goes through three phases also. In his 20s, his willy is like an oak tree, mighty and hard. In his 30s and 40s, it’s like a birch, flexible but reliable. After his 50s, it’s like a Christmas tree.” “A Christmas tree?” the daughter asks. “Yes, dead from the root up and the balls are just for decoration.”
I don’t think I’ll be able to look at her in the same light ever again.
If you're talking to drugs, it's probably too late to say no to them.
“Don’t worry,” said the doc. “Those are just contractions.”
Not a joke, I am genuinely curious.
They all laughed at me and told me she is isn't real. Well Jokes on them because neither are they
What the Fork is this Bullshirt?
why do rice krispies snap, crackle and pop?
It's ok though, it still saved me money.
A dad walks in on his daughter having sex with her boyfriend. The girl, startled, says, “I’m sorry, Dad.”
Dad, to her: Hi Sorry, I’m Dad. Then he turns to the boyfriend and says, “Are you fucking sorry?”