Who’s that Pokemon…
Neil before me.
it's a naan stick pan
It's your Yelp score
Those who understand binary, and those who don't.
The title says it all.
Teacher: Well yes , but actually no
Because they have a supreme ruler
It was just a mean thing to say.
Because he did not want to be spotted
Student 2: My name is Sam Baker because my forefathers were bakers. Student 3: My name is John Dickinson, and I hate this game.
All of them.
It’s soda pressing.
Yet they haven't. I don't geddit.
A gummy bear
Since then, grandpa has been kicking puppies and setting fire to orphanages.
…they don't believe in me.
Up in the sky, they are greeted by Saint Peter who says: ‚You have died. As you are politicians, surely you have sinned. Therefore you must wade through the Swamp of Lies before you can go to Heaven and join Him in eternal happiness.‘ As in her former life, Merkel wants to tackle every challenge given and goes first. She notices the swamp barely reaches her ankles and thinks ‚Well, that‘s what you get for lying. At least, I did it for a better Europe.‘ Curious about how the others are doing, she looks behind her and sees Putin covered in mud up to his knees. Furiously, she shouts: ‚This is impossible! Your reign was a dictatorship, you influenced world politics and economics to your benefit and you’ve achieved all that only by telling lies. How is it possible you‘re only knee-deep in this swamp?‘ Calmly, Putin answers: ‚Hush! I‘m standing on top of Donald and he hasn‘t noticed yet.‘ Edit 1: Fixed a typo Edit 2: Thanks for the silver, kind stranger! Also, hi r/awardspeechedits
It scares the dog.
Me: Are you kidding?? Her: Technically, Yes.
I dunno but I really do hope that thing doesn't bite…
Zero fucks were given.
"Wow, there's so many buttons and switches. How do you remember what they all do?" The captain replies, "I don't, but for the love of God don't touch the dusty ones."
That's ridiculous, considering they're working around the clock.
I have shellfish steamed issues.
… but she got really upset at me when I actually brought her one.
Dad: Then we'll just have the second one !