Why are 1 and 3 jealous of 2?
Because it’s Tuesday.
That means I have one up on history's greatest scientific genius. Because I'm not dead.
I have shellfish steamed issues.
She said no, she thinks I'm just after my money.
I said, "What is it?" She said, "I saw you sitting in the park. You were reading your autobiography to your ex." "Hmm," I replied. "Really?" She said, "How do you explain yourself?" I said, "Well, if I read it to you perhaps you'll find out."
The doctor tells him he will give him a dick transplant. He loses his 3-foot-long dick for a 4-inch-long dick. He comes back in a week and says, "Now my wife wont have sex with me. May I have the old one back?" The doctor replies… "A d-d-d-deal's a d-d-d-deal."
He prescribed two IKEA self assembly wardrobes.
Because it’s hard to differentiate between them.
. . . all of the DNA is too similar and there are no dental records.
I just think it's surprising how mαny people bring a knife on a dαte.
It’s a timeless piece, really.
They're… hill areas.
“I can’t believe that you’ve been visiting prostitutes for sex,” my wife screamed at me. “I’m really disappointed.”
“You can hardly blame me,” I answered. “It’s not like I was getting any from you.” “Well, that’s your own fault,” she replied. “You never told me you were willing to pay for it.”
Rest on peace.
… on the other hand, I'm okay.
She said, “It’s a slippery slope.”
A man in an interrogation room says, “I’m not saying a word without my lawyer present!” The cop growls, “You are the lawyer!”
The lawyer shrieks, "Exactly! So where’s my present?!"
She didn't know I existed
I never got a straight answer.
More on this after the break.
Cause it’s not gonna kill itself.
I just need to work out if that's my wife or my girlfriend
But apparently, I was too young…
The difference is staggering
Sorry, that came out wrong. Ahem. So, I’m giving up. Drinking for the next month straight.
"I'm getting so old that I can't remember what I had for breakfast this morning… And I have oatmeal every morning."