Why are arabian rulers are such jerks?
What do you call a fat neo-nazi?
A wide supremacist.
When you say “poop” your mouth moves the same way your anus does when you poop.
The same is true for the phrase "explosive diarrhea."
They say you have a 50% chance living next to a sex offender.
Lucky I live next to a sexy 12year old.
I made a computer program read 100 jokes from this subreddit, then made it tell a joke based on those. Here’s what it said.
Why did you make me read the same thing 100 times?
21st century: your vacuum cleaner makes no noise, your AC makes no noise, your washing machine makes no noise, your electric car makes no noise…
The city's street cleaning wagon is as noisy as Apollo 11 taking off
Girl 1: Mother, why is my name Rose?
Mother: Because when you were just a precious little baby, a rose fell off a tree and onto your head. Girl 2: But mother, why am I named Blossom? Mother: Well my darling, same with you; a blossom blew from a tree and onto your head. Girl 3: Mufaghh ma waafaa maaa? Mother: How about you stop fucking complaining, Coconut?
Do you know what Yoda’s last name is?
It's Lay Hee Hoo
A teacher asked her students to share what their dads do for a living.
Little Johnny said, "My dad's a stripper at a gay nightclub and he turns tricks in the alley way to earn extra money." The teacher was Mortified and after class she pulls little Johnny aside and ask, "Johnny is your dad really a stripper at a gay night club?!" Little Johnny said, "No. He's a reporter for CNN but I was too ashamed to say that."
Bringing chewing gum to school is like bringing guns to school:
everyone starts acting like you've been best friends since 1st grade once they see what you have.
Why did the noodle get a driving ticket?
It drove pasta stop sign
Did you hear cheese and meat sales have gone up in India?
Apparently there is a New Delhi.
I got the words “jacuzzi” and “yakuza” confused.
Now I'm in hot water with the Japanese mafia.
My neighbors started makes sex videos.
They just don't know it yet.
Just bought a thesaurus and got home to find out the pages are all blank!
I have no words to describe how angry I am…
I found an origami porn channel.
But it's paper view only.
I set the comp password to ‘Homework1st’ my daughter was getting frustrated…
I set the comp password to ‘Homework1st’ my daughter was getting frustrated that every time she asked what I changed it to, I answered. She did every piece of work, including corrections. Then I wrote it down.
Bashing a witness at the impeachment hearing for wearing his military uniform?
https://ift.tt/2OFOglR
I’ve been watching way too much Phineas and Fern recently
I’ve been watching way too much Phineas and Fern recently
Every day, my teacher reads a joke from Reddit to start the class, but today she is absent.
So instead, a subreddit.
How do farmers party?
They turnip the beets
I own a farm and this morning one of my farmhands was dancing naked in front of the tractor.
I asked what the hell are you doing? He said his wife and him were having problems and the marriage counselor told him he had to do something sexy to a tractor.
The Greeks invented sex
The Italians just introduced it to women
A nun goes to the priest and says “father, there’s a hole in the roof of your church.”
"Thank you for telling me," he replies "but you've been here for years, it's our church." The next day the nun goes to the priest and says "father, there's a broken window in your- I mean, our, church." He thanks her again and calls for a repairman. The following day the priest is preparing for a visit from the local bishop. As he is weeding the gardens, he cuts his hand. Calling the nun over he says "there's a bottle of rubbing alcohol in my quarters somewhere, could you fetch it for me?" The nun nods and goes looking for it. It is as the priest is greeting the bishop that she returns from the church and loudly announces "father, don't worry about the weed, the alcohol was under our bed!"
Have you guys heard about these new corduroy pillowcases?
They're really making headlines!