Why are people with foot fetish losers?
Because they like to taste defeat.
play with yourself"
I crack myself up sometimes. I went grocery shopping earlier today and when I got home the wife asked “where are the mushrooms?” … without missing a beat, I said
“I couldn’t get them, there wasn’t ‘mush room’ in the trolley. “ She threw things at me
No, there are a whole series of fairy tales that begin with ‘If elected, I promise…’
He was so full of himself.
It was an Apple, but with extremely limited memory. Just one byte. And then everything crashed.
An older man strolled by and saw the boy. He stopped abruptly and asked "Hey kid, do you think it's a good idea to be eating a giant candy bar for breakfast?" The boy replied "I don't know, but my grandpappy lived to be 102 years old." The old man said "I'm sure he did, but he didn't eat giant candy bars for breakfast did he" The boy shook his head "Nope. he just minded his own fucking business."
It was the best dam program I've ever seen.
Student: "Meat!" Teacher: "Very good! Now what does the pig give you?" Student: "Bacon!" Teacher: "Great! And what does the fat cow give you?" Student: "Homework!"
Looks like Americans are finally gonna get a taste of democracy and freedom.
Sorry, that's my fault.
What is the pirates favorite part of the house? The back-yarrrrrghd! He was very proud of this joke and wanted to know if it was a good pun.
The Reign in Spain will stay mainly on his plane.
I relish the fact that you’ve mustard the strength to ketchup to me.
to Barack Obama’s Fault
They'd have to spell it different.
Donald Trump and Barack Obama end up in the same barbershop. As they sat there, each being worked on by a different barber, not a word was spoken. The barbers were even afraid to start a conversation, for fear that it would turn into politics. As the barbers finished their shaves, the one who had Trump in his chair reached for the aftershave. Trump was quick to stop him saying "No way buddy, my wife will smell that and think I've been in a damn whorehouse." The second barber turned to Obama and said "How about you?" Obama replied, "Go ahead, my wife doesn't know what the inside of a whorehouse smells like.
Now I Think I’m getting haunted by a poultrygeist
Time cannoli tell
I said, “Floors are beneath me.”
So you can always count on me.
I told her she was starting to sound like my wife
It's really hard to be leaf.