Why are there two “d”s in “Reddit”?
The second one’s a repost.
Whats Gordon Ramsay’s favourite sub-reddit.
IT'S FUCKING R/AWW , YOU IDIOT!
My drug test came back negative
My dealer sure has some explaining to do..
I’m planning a charity event for people who struggle to achieve an orgasm
If you can’t come, let me know
The girl with the big booty and a lisp wasn’t at work
She must have called in thick
I don’t tell dad jokes often
but when I do, he laughs
I just realized, this sub doesn’t inherently make fun of boomer humor, it just compiles it.
Some boomer humor is actually good, some is wholeheartedly trash, but both sides of the spectrum exist, and both can be enjoyed.
It has been scientifically proven that girls reach the age of puberty earlier than boys.
Girls develop tits around the age of thirteen, boys develop them around the age of forty.
What’s E.T. short for?
Because he’s got little legs.
100 years ago, a poor Polish immigrant was begging for money in New York city
Suddenly, a stranger appears and starts to talk with her. Stranger: What is your name, sad lady Lady: My name is Edit, I am the daughter of Solomon and Alta. I am asking for help because I have nothing to eat Stranger: I just won this golden coin in a game of poker. I feel guilty for keeping something earned so dishonestly. Looks like you could have better use for it. Edit: Wow, thanks for the gold, kind stranger!
A lady dies and goes to heaven.
When she gets there, she is confused to find everyone furiously cracking eggs, dumping flour, and mixing batter. She turns around and sees an entire section dedicated to decoration, with elaborate concoctions of blueberries, frosting, and tiering at every station. Finally, she sees someone who appears to be in charge. She runs over and asks the man, "what is going on here?" The strange man replies, "everyone here is doing their best to better their souls." Confused at the cryptic answer and curious about the strange man's traditional Mongolian garb, the woman asks him to elaborate. The Buddhist Monk replies, "My dear, having cake is the best way to gain Karma."
I learned the name of Baby Yoda’s mother…
It's "Yomama"
I used to steal Mitch Hedberg’s jokes
I still do, but I used to too
Because Beethoven was deaf, everyone said he couldn’t be a musician.
But did he listen?
A guy goes into a bar and orders a beer. Bartender says, “that’ll be a dollar”
The guy thinks, “man, that’s cheap,” but the beer was delicious. So he finishes his beer and decides to take a chance. “Bartender, I’ll have your finest wine” bartender goes through a long process of showing the bottle. Opening it. Aerating the wine. Pouring it into nice a nice glass and says. “That’ll be 50 cents”. The guy can’t believe it. So he thinks 'fuck it ' and says “I’ll have a whole bottle of your best scotch “. The bartender hands it to him and says “here. On the house”. Curiosity finally gets the better of the guy. He asks “ok. Where’s the owner” bartender replies “upstairs with my wife”. The guy asks “what’s he doing upstairs with your wife?” And the bartender looks the man in the eye and replies “same thing I’m doing to his business”…
When a dad drives past a graveyard: Did you know that’s a popular cemetery?
Yep, people are just dying to get in there!
Whatever you do, don’t let anybody walk over you.
Especially if you go to a party dressed as a land mine.
An electron is driving down a motorway, and a policeman pulls him over.
The policeman says: “Sir, do you realize you were traveling at 130km per hour?” The electron goes: “Oh great, now I’m lost."
What do you get when you inject a goat with human DNA?
A ban from the petting zoo.
Ever tried blind archery?
You don't know what you are missing.
I tried to sue the airport for losing my luggage
I lost my case
READ BEFORE POSTING: Memeless Monday is now in effect!
Memeless Mondays are now in effect, a system we’ve created that will hopefully improve content quality on the subreddit (at least for some part of the week).For the duration of this day, all image jokes must only use OC meme templates or not use any template at all (i.e. not be a meme).We won’t check for OC very thoroughly – if it can’t be found on the first page of a google search using keywords and it isn’t a quick edit of an existing template, you’re probably fine.All posts made which break the above criterion will be removed; no strikes will be administered for this violation.Memeless Mondays end at 12AM EDT on Tuesday. If you have any concerns or changes you feel would improve this system, please send them via modmail. Thanks!
What’s the worst part of locking your keys in the car outside planned parenthood?
Having to go back in and ask for a hanger.
I just asked the wife to get into her nurses uniform.
She said why? are you feeling horny? I said no we need bread!
If you boil a funnybone…
You get a laughingstock. Which is humerus.
My son asked, “Dad, what are condoms for?”
"Usually to avoid answering questions like these," I replied.
As an American, I see a lot of jokes here saying that America is the dumbest country.
It's ridiculous and unfair. Personally, I think Europe is the stupidest country.
Someone just complimented my wife and told her that she and our daughter looked like twins.
I said, “Well, they were separated at birth.”
![[Creative title]](https://jokejet.com/wp-content/uploads/2019/01/rn39ewxzbj721-400x208.jpg)
I found a new bread recipe where you don’t have to get your hands messy by mixing the dough.
It is kneadless, to say.
What’s the difference between hungry and horny?
Where you put the cucumber
A waiter once asked me: “Do you wanna box for your leftovers?”
I said: “No, but I’ll wrestle you for them!”
I gave up my seat to a blind lady in the bus..
And that's how I lost my job as a bus driver
I spotted an albino Dalmatian yesterday.
It was the least I could do for him.
My computer has a virus and is only showing ads for American Eagle, GAP and Urban Outfitters
I think I'm infected with Mall-Wear
Why did the skeleton not go to the party?
He had no body to go with
Three guys stranded on a desert island…
They find a magic lamp. A genie pops out and says I'll grant each of you one wish. First guy: I wish I was off this island! POOF! The guy disappears. Second guy: I wish I was off this island! POOF! The guy disappears. Third guy: It's kinda lonely… I wish those guys were back. POOF! The other two re-appear! Edit: Spelling
My girlfriend told me to take the spider out instead of killing it.
We went and had some drinks. Cool guy. Wants to be a web developer.
What’s the difference between ignorance and apathy?
Don’t know, don’t care.