Why can’t you trust atoms?
because they make up everything.
Because they’re good at it.
Not screaming like the people in the back of his car.
But I'm scared this is the tip of the iceberg
It was a stage he was going through.
…but it’s harder to deter gents
"I only have my shelf to blame…"
Before our hike, my wife offered my sister-in-law some fruit. She said "no thanks, I had a pear on the way here." Without skipping a beat, I said "you mean you came pre-peared?"
I think I’m going to promote him to branch manager
He said: ‘dad, can’t you just use a sponge?’
It was an ether/oar situation.
It’s parents were in a jam.
The town doesn’t have much money to take care of prisoners so the sheriff gets an idea. He decides he’ll charge money to let the townspeople punish the crooks and use the money to keep them in jail for as long as he can. The sheriff figures even a short stay in jail will be plenty after a little “justice” from the townspeople. The sheriff takes the criminals to the town square, handcuffs them posts and sets up shop. He tells the people that the punishment should fit the crime so anyone can pay $1 to kick the rapist in the groin. Since the con artist used his image to wrong his victims, anyone can pay $1 to hit him in the face. After a while there are two long lines for the criminals. Some people paying $5, $10, even $15 to get their licks in. After a long while, a guy steps up for his turn and sees the con artist’s face is a bloody pulp and thinks “He’s so beat up at this point, he probably can’t even feel anything anymore. I’m not going to waste my money on that.” So the guy walks up and kicks the con artist squarely in the groin. The sheriff sees this and hurries over and says, “Hey son, you can’t do that here.” The man asks, “Why not?” And the sheriff replies, “Because this is the punch line.”
I’ve adjusted the price to allow for inflation.
She said, “It’s a slippery slope.”
On the last episode of Forged in Fire, a contestant made a blade the cut 4 loaves of bread in just one slice. . .
Now that's what you call a 4 loaf cleaver.
She drinks right out of the bottle.
Me: I wish I had a tail. Genje: Wejrd but okay.
LPT: If you have trouble remembering your password, find a picture of some running shoes and stare at it.
maybe it'll help jog your memory.
"2 or 3" she replied. Probably explains why her marriage collapsed.
So he took her to dinner and a movie, and dropped her off at her parent's house.
But when he rounded them up, he had 300.
It runs in your jeans.
I can’t believe what this world is coming to.
Username checks out.
The bartender goes, "I'll serve you, but don't start anything!"
I came to work this morning and was shocked to find that our company was bought over by a firm in Madrid.
No one expects the Spanish acquisition.
But it’s not hard.
They were Prime mates.
After a week they were captured and put in jail. The Russians took the English spy, tied and tortured him and after 20 minutes he gave all the info. Then the Russians took the French spy. They tied and tortured him, and after 20 minutes he too gave all the info. Then they took the Italian spy and did the same to him, but he didnt give any info. They kept torturing him for 3 hours but with no luck. Eventually they gave up and put him back in the cell. The 2 other spies asked him “How did you do that? They tortured us like crazy!” The Italian replied: “I wanted to give all my info, but they tied my hands and so I couldn't speak.