Why China is arresting people for spreading misinformation?

Remains to be seen.

While he's there this scrawny little guy walks in. He walks over to the boss, and he says ''Are you the boss here?'' The circus owner says, ''Yeah. What do you want?'' The kid says, ''I'd like to join the circus. I got an act." The carnie is intrigued, so he says, ''Oh, yeah? Well, let me see what it is.'' So this little guy goes over to the center pole and he starts climbing up the pole. And he goes all the way up. He climbs up and up and up. He goes all the way up to the very peak of the big top. And he looks down, and he takes a deep breath and he leaps off, and he starts flapping his arms. And he starts flying! And he flies all around the big top! He goes all the way around the place. He goes around the center pole. Pshew! He goes loop-de-loop through the trapezes. Then he gets all the way up and he takes a nosedive right down to the ground. Flapping his arms like mad. And he lands right next to the boss. And once he's safe on the ground again the kid asks, ''Well, what do you think?'' The which the boss says, ''That's all you do? Bird imitations?''

So the next Sunday he took the monsignor's advice. At the beginning of the sermon, he got nervous and took a drink. He proceeded to talk up a storm. Upon return to his office after mass he found the following note on his door: Sip the Vodka, don't gulp. There are 10 commandments, not 12. There are 12 disciples, not 10. Jesus was consecrated, not constipated. Jacob wagered his donkey, he did not bet his ass. The Father, Son, and Holy Ghost are not referred to as Daddy, Junior, and the Spook. David slew Goliath, he did not kick the shit out of him. When David was hit by a rock and knocked off his donkey, don't say he was stoned off his ass. We do not refer to the cross as the Big T! When Jesus broke the bread at the Last Supper he said, "Take this and eat it, for it is my body", he did not say, "Eat me." The Virgin Mary is not referred to as the, "Mary with the Cherry". The recommended grace before a meal is not: "Rub-A-dub-dub, thanks for the grub, yeah God" Next Sunday there will be a taffy-pulling contest at St. Peter's, not a peter-pulling contest at St. Taffy's. Don't refer to Jesus and the 12 disciples J.C. and the boys.

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so we call him the postman now.

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The man takes the chainsaw home and begins working on the trees but after working for hours he only cuts down two trees. “How can I cut for hours and hours and only finish two trees?” he asks himself. Next day the man brings the chainsaw back to the store and says it doesn’t work properly. “Hmm, it looks okay,” says the server, and starts the chainsaw. The man jumps back in shock and cries, “What’s that noise?”

The guy sitting next to him can’t believe what he just saw. He’s more surprised when, 10 minutes later, the same guy walks back into the bar and sits down next to him. The astonished onlooker asks, “How did you do that? I just saw you jump out the window, and we’re hundreds of feet above the ground!” The jumper responds by slurring, “Well, I don’t get it either. I slam a shot of tequila, and when I jump out the window, the tequila makes me slow down right before I hit the ground. Watch.” He takes a shot, goes to the window and jumps out. The other guy runs to the window and watches as the guy falls to just above the sidewalk, slows down and lands softly on his feet. A few minutes later, the jumper walks back into the bar. The other guy has to try it, too, so he orders a shot of tequila. He slams it and jumps out the window. As he reaches the bottom, he doesn’t slow down at all. SPLAT! The first guy orders another shot of tequila. The bartender shakes his head. “You’re really an a**hole when you’re drunk, Superman.”

A trumpet.

What a liar! I opened the fridge and it's working just fine.

But seriously, thank you to everyone on this sub. I end my class periods with a joke of the day every day and I usually take them from here. There is never a day where the students don't unanimously sigh at the punch line!

Nobody thought it was funny.

… what should I feed it?

It was cooked in Greece

At this rate, he will never be in class on time.

He was always to scared to tell her, fearing it would ruin their work relationship. One day, he was using his X-ray vision to watch her in her apartment. He saw her put on music and start taking her clothes off. She sat down on her bed. She was getting in the romantic mood. She was squirming around, appearing as if she was having a sexual dream. Superman thought “She’s probably dreaming about me.” He said, “You know what, I’m faster than a speeding bullet, I could fly in, fuck her and fly out, and she wouldn’t know what happened!” So he did exactly that. He flew in quickly, did her and flew away. Wonder Woman says “What the hell was that?” And then the Invisible Man says “I don’t know, but my asshole is killing me!”

But by then, it was too late.

Then I realized battery not included

"We're supposed to find the height of this flagpole," said Sven, "but we don't have a ladder." The woman took a wrench from her purse, loosened a couple of bolts, and laid the pole down on the ground. Then she took a tape measure from her handbag, took a measurement and announced, "Twenty one feet, six inches," and walked away. One engineer shook his head and laughed, "Typical blonde! We ask for the height and she gives us the length!"

One nun was called Sister Mathematical because of her gift for numbers and the other nun was called Sister Logical because of her gift for reasoning. They soon noticed that a man was following them. They would speed up, and he would speed up. They would stop, and he would stop. Sister Mathematical started to become afraid. "Oh dear…this man has been chasing us for 2.5 blocks now! What does he want?" "It's only logical," Sister Logical replied. "He wants to have his way with us." "Oh dear God!" Sister Mathematical exclaimed. They tried to move as fast as they could, but the man was gaining on them. "In 3.5 minutes, he will be upon us!" Sister Mathematical shrieked. "What do we do?" "Oh, that's logical," Sister Logical said calmly. "You and I will have to split up. You run one way to the convent, and I will join you there." Without asking another question, the nuns split up. Sister Mathematical, who could run faster, made it to the convent while the man took off after Sister Logical. A few minutes after Sister Mathematical arrived at the convent, Sister Logical entered. "Sister, I am so glad to see you," Sister Mathematical gasped. "It took you 7.6 minutes longer to get home. I was so worried! How in heaven's name did you escape?" "Oh that's logical," Sister Logical began, catching her breath. "He got to me and grabbed me. I knew what he wanted. So, I pulled up my habit." "Oh dear, Sister. Then what?" "He pulled down his pants…." "Oh, Sister…!" Sister Mathematical exclaimed. "Then what happened?!" "Well, that's logical," Sister Logical explained. "A nun with her habit up can run a lot faster than a man with his pants down!" One of my favorite jokes

Cause they’re dead

The doctor asked, "What can I do for you?" The man said, "Will you watch us have sex?" The doctor looked puzzled, but agreed. When the couple finished, the doctor said, "There's nothing wrong with the way you have sex," and charged them $50. This happened several weeks in a row. The couple would make an appointment, have sex with no problems, pay the doctor, then leave. Finally, the doctor asked, "Just exactly what are you trying to find out?" "We're not trying to find out anything," the husband replied. "She's married and we can't go to her house. I'm married and we can't go to my house. The Holiday Inn charges $90. The Hilton charges $108. We do it here for $50…and I get $43 back from Medicare

They looked at the reviews… Only 1 star.

It was raining and all the prostitutes were standing under awnings. "Mom," said the boy, "what are all those women doing?" "They're waiting for their husbands to get off work," she replied The taxi driver turns around and says, "Geez lady, why don't you tell him the truth? They're hookers, boy! They have sex with men for money." The little boy's eyes get wide and he says, "Is that true Mom?" His mother, glaring hard at the driver, answers "Yes." After a few minutes the kid asks, "Mom, if those women have babies, what happens to them?" She said, "Most of them become taxi drivers."

…. an Austrian, an Azerbaijani, a Bahamian, a Bahraini, a Bangladeshi, a Barbadian, a Barbudans, a Batswanan, a Belarusian, a Belgian, a Belizean, a Beninese, a Bhutanese, a Bolivian, a Bosnian, a Brazilian, a Brit, a Bruneian, a Bulgarian, a Burkinabe, a Burmese, a Burundian, a Cambodian, a Cameroonian, a Canadian, a Cape Verdean, a Central African, a Chadian, a Chilean, a Chinese, a Colombian, a Comoran, a Congolese, a Costa Rican, a Croatian, a Cuban, a Cypriot, a Czech, a Dane, a Djibouti, a Dominican, a Dutchman, an East Timorese, an Ecuadorean, an Egyptian, an Emirian, an Equatorial Guinean, an Eritrean, an Estonian, an Ethiopian, a Fijian, a Filipino, a Finn, a Frenchman, a Gabonese, a Gambian, a Georgian, a German, a Ghanaian, a Greek, a Grenadian, a Guatemalan, a Guinea-Bissauan, a Guinean, a Guyanese, a Haitian, a Herzegovinian, a Honduran, a Hungarian, an I-Kiribati, an Icelander, an Indian, an Indonesian, an Iranian, an Iraqi, an Irishman, an Israeli, an Italian, an Ivorian, a Jamaican, a Japanese, a Jordanian, a Kazakhstani, a Kenyan, a Kittian and Nevisian, a Kuwaiti, a Kyrgyz, a Laotian, a Latvian, a Lebanese, a Liberian, a Libyan, a Liechtensteiner, a Lithuanian, a Luxembourger, a Macedonian, a Malagasy, a Malawian, a Malaysian, a Maldivan, a Malian, a Maltese, a Marshallese, a Mauritanian, a Mauritian, a Mexican, a Micronesian, a Moldovan, a Monacan, a Mongolian, a Moroccan, a Mosotho, a Motswana, a Mozambican, a Namibian, a Nauruan, a Nepalese, a New Zealander, a Nicaraguan, a Nigerian, a Nigerien, a North Korean, a Northern Irishman, a Norwegian, an Omani, a Pakistani, a Palauan, a Palestinian, a Panamanian, a Papua New Guinean, a Paraguayan, a Peruvian, a Pole, a Portuguese, a Qatari, a Romanian, a Russian, a Rwandan, a Saint Lucian, a Salvadoran, a Samoan, a San Marinese, a Sao Tomean, a Saudi, a Scottish, a Senegalese, a Serbian, a Seychellois, a Sierra Leonean, a Singaporean, a Slovakian, a Slovenian, a Solomon Islander, a Somali, a South African, a South Korean, a Spaniard, a Sri Lankan, a Sudanese, a Surinamer, a Swazi, a Swede, a Swiss, a Syrian, a Taiwanese, a Tajik, a Tanzanian, a Togolese, a Tongan, a Trinidadian or Tobagonian, a Tunisian, a Turkish, a Tuvaluan, a Ugandan, a Ukrainian, a Uruguayan, a Uzbekistani, a Venezuelan, a Vietnamese, a Welshman, a Yemenite, a Zambian and a Zimbabwean all go to a nightclub… The doorman stops them and says sorry I cant let you in without a Thai.

Lots O' Matzoh Spin the Ladle Latkes of Love And for vegans: Soy Vey!

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Man being a teacher is hard

The stock market.

They go too far above your head.

As I was just about to tap her on the shoulder she started running for a bus. So I ran after her shouting, “You dropped your purse! You dropped your purse!” She didn’t hear me and proceeded to get onto the bus, so I got on the bus too. As I walked to the back of the bus I breathlessly said, “You dropped your purse on the floor outside outside McDonald’s. Thank you so much she said, Where is it? I said, I’ve just told you, on the floor outside McDonald’s.

He was afraid of capitalism.