Why do girls have nipples?
Because without them their tits would be pointless.
Seriously! Who starts a conversation like that?
But most only grow four.
Parents are supposed to wrap empty boxes to put under the tree. Then when the children are naughty, throw one in the fire.
But what if they run out of children?
Found out she meant trout, not Skittles
WARNING: THIS JOKE IS ABSOLUTELY TERRIBLE Obi-wanCANNOLI I’ll show myself out.
I said "That's hard to swallow."
I don't want to interrupt her
I said no but I do I a pretty good bohemian rhapsody.
…because they've been breaking camels' backs for years.
Because it has no home button.
Because it got mugged
Especially because he's a chihuahua and I have to lift him up.
The devil says he must choose a room in hell to spend the rest of eternity in. He walks into the first room and sees a bunch of people doing headstands on a wood floor. He thinks "No way. I can't do that for eternity" He walks into the second room and sees a bunch of people doing headstands on a metal floor. He thinks "I definitely can't do that for eternity" He walks into a third room where theres a bunch of people standing in 4 feet of shit and drinking coffee. He says to himself "…well I guess I could get used to the smell." After 10 minutes in the room, the devil comes in and says "Alright, coffee break's over. Back to headstands."
Of course you can! I just wanted to make you smile.
I can’t see myself doing that again any time soon.
Me: No shit. I'm constipated.
My dad and I are going out tonight and I asked if he could pick me up. He said "I think so – I've been working out!"
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I just like the way it smells.
A lady had lost her husband almost four years ago. Her daughter was constantly calling her to get back into the dating world. Finally, she said she’d go out, but didn’t know anyone. Her daughter immediately replied, “Mom, I have someone for you to meet!”
Well, it was an immediate hit. They took to one another and after dating for six weeks, he asked her to join him for a weekend in Spain. Their first night there, she undressed as he did. There she stood nude, except for a pair of black panties, he in his birthday suit. Looking her over, he asked, "Why the black panties?" She replied "My breasts you can fondle, my body is yours to explore, but down there I am still mourning." He knew he was not going to get lucky that night. The following night was the same, she stood there wearing the black panties and he was in his birthday suit but now he was wearing a black condom. She looked at him and asked, "What's with the black condom?" He replied, "I want to offer my deepest condolences."
Restaurant In Peace
But it’s been a week and I just keep getting hungrier.
The bartender says, "Sorry, but the guy next to you got the last bowl". He looks over and sees that the guy has finished his meal, but the bowl of chili is still full. He asks, "Are you going to eat that chili?" The other guy says, "No. Help yourself". He slides the bowl of chili over and starts to eat. When he gets about half way down, his spoon hits something. He looks down sees a dead mouse and immediately pukes all the chili back into the bowl. The other guy says, "Yeah, that's about as far as I got, too".
Because you’re supposed to eat 3 squared meals a day..
Hitler says "Yes." Stalin then says "Moscow." Hitler replies with "I don't get it?" Stalin laughs and says "And you never will."
Knock, knock. Who's there? Control freak. Control fr- Okay, now you say "Control freak who?"
It's time consuming.
This is a study looking into the effect of internet memes on the individual. Participants will be asked to answer a series of questionnaires. This should take no longer than 30 minutes. Further information can be found in the information sheet. https://chester.onlinesurveys.ac.uk/memes4dalolz