Why did 7 eat 9 ?
it’s recommended to eat 3 squared meals a day
Cause you don't turn your back on family.
You make me sick.
They left a little note on the windscreen that said 'Parking Fine'.
this is as close as I could get.
A Rain Bow tie.
I guess I only have my shelf to blame
Because fish swim in schools.
Otherwise we'd have a pandademic.
Did anyone else’s parents teach them to swim by throwing them in the lake? I think the swimming was the easy part.
Getting out of that burlap sack was tricky, though.
Me: (handing baby back to him) bring me the one my wife made
So my brother’s girlfriend was recently diagnosed with cancer, and when she told him, he proposed to her on the spot!
So see ladies, we guys can be spontaneous and romantic. We just don't like long term commitments.
He was named first!
“Orchids?” asks the florist “No, just the flowers” he replied
My son got kicked out of three schools this year for letting a girl in class wank him off. I told him, “Son…
…maybe teaching isn’t the best job for you.”
They checked our ratings. One star.
I think I’m being stalked…
She was seeing other people
You are not alone
Russian technology is a decade ahead of them at the moment.
He did CrossFit.
My family takes monopoly too seriously
A barber queue
I said," No, it doesn't."
It doesn't last long for fat people
My wife tried to order an exotic snake online, but when the package arrived, it contained only feathered scarves…
Looks like the boa cons tricked her…
I was crossing the street when I suddenly noticed my ex getting run over by a bus. I thought to myself, “Wow! That could have been me!”
Then I remembered I can’t drive a bus 🙁
I told her, I for one, like Roman Numerals.
Son, why did you buy me 55 birthday cards?!
But backwards it’s even more stupid.
When it becomes apparent.
One requires tweetment and the other requires oinkment.