Why did Pluto have such a terrible vacation?
Because he didn’t planet well.
Oranges have thick skin. Let the downvotes fly, people! You've only got one!
Because if it were served warm, it would be justwater.
As he walked to the door she yelled, "I hope you die a long, slow, painful death." He turned around and said, "So, you want me to stay?"
I went inside to pay and saw two policemen in the store. I said "Did you guys see that woman out there?" They looked outside and suddenly darted out the door. I turn and see she caught her arm on fire. The policemen threw a blanket around her and wrestled her to the ground and put out the fire. Then they gave her a ticket! After they came inside I asked why they gave her a ticket. Turns out she didn't have a license for that firearm.
As they sat at their table, taking photos of their food for social media, one of the photographers realized he hadn't been given water. He approached the bar and asked for a glassful, with which the bartender obliged. Rather than immediately leaving, he stood there and stared at the bartender for a moment before returning to his seat. Soon enough, he found himself thirsty again, and took another trip to the bar, and once again stared at the bartender. This happened again and again throughout the night, with the bartender becoming progressively more frustrated by the photographers persistent requests for glasses of water and uncomfortable stares. Finally, on the photographers fifteenth trip, the bartender loses his cool and yells, "Take a pitcher, it'll last longer!"
Together, we can stop this shit.
Stop shaking the ladder you little shit
Fill it with spring water.
Now I've got two adult knees.
My three year old is getting into telling jokes . I just made this one up for her: Why was Fibonacci afraid of 1 1 2 3 5? Because 1 1 2 3 5 8 13!
I hope he knows he can hide but he can’t run
So we can think about a solution in silence.
Because he was ostrich sized
Wait no… Shit. It was a horse…. So a man comes into a horse….
that is, until he… scrubbed it!!!
The gunstore owner says: She just fell into my arms
"What’s your second wish, Rich?"
really makes me consider the fusillity of life.
a pain in the ass
They jacques off
He’ll be born in March.
She didn’t know I existed…
He conditioned it.
A driving teacher asks his student “There are 2 people standing on the road, your mother and your wife. What do you hit?”
Student: "My wife" DT: "For the 3rd time, you'll hit the brakes!"
I replied "Window or you'll what ?"
A young alter boy walks in on a priest masturbating, confused he asks the priest "what are you doing father?" The priest replies "don't worry my son it's natural, you will be doing it soon" "but why father?" the alter boy returns The priest exclaims "because my arm is getting tired!"
Wife asks "Why do you think that?" He replies "Because Rudolph the Red knows rain, dear…" (Not mine, my dad found it somewhere and was very proud of making the family groan…)
I'm not sure how I feel about it.
Because if they had four, they would be chicken sedans.
What a shit way to start a game of Scrabble.