Why did the rapper go to the grocery store?
To get some fresh beets
A sweater I purchased was picking up static electricity, so I returned it to the store.
They gave me another one, free of charge.
I have bought my wife a fridge for christmas.
I can't wait to see her face light up when she opens it.
What kind of flour do you buy an orphan
Self raising flour
I got the words jacuzzi and yakuza confused.
Now I'm in hot water with the Japanese mafia.
The pulley is the most egotistical of all machines.
It’s always the centre of a tension.
Being told I was going deaf…
was very difficult to hear.
How many cops does it take to change a lightbulb?
None. They’ll just shoot the room for being black
What do lawyers wear to work?
A lawsuit.
Kina want to tell the pediatrician I speak Old English just to see what happens…
https://ift.tt/2LZRzU4
How do you tell dad jokes?
Personally I like to do it at dinner time so he spits out his food.
How do you make Holy Water?
You boil the Hell out of it
If I had a dime for every time I didn’t understand what’s going on,
I'd be like: "Why y'all keep giving me all these dimes?"
I always used to wonder why golfers would shout “fore”…
Then it hit me.
If you put a picture of yourself in a locket,
you could say you are… Independant
Unlike Fathers day, Son day is celebrated every week
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Wireless Application Protocol (WAP) is a technical fashionable for accessing information over a mobile wi-fi network.
Wireless Application Protocol (WAP) is a technical fashionable for accessing information over a mobile wi-fi network. A WAP browser is an internet browser for cell gadgets such as mobile phones that makes use of the protocol. Introduced in 1999, WAP completed a few popularity within the early 2000s, but by means of the 2010s it were largely outmoded by more modern-day requirements.https://ift.tt/2pNZFXJ contemporary handset net browsers now fully assist HTML, so they do not need to use WAP markup for web page compatibility, and consequently, maximum are not able to render and display pages written in WML, WAP’s markup language.
Do you know why women fart after they pee?
They can't shake it so they need to blow dry.
Angry man comes to local bar with gun yelling:
-Which one of you fucked my wife??!! Some guy in the crowd says: – you should bring more bullets
Why was 79 sad?
cos 81
Welcome to plastic surgery addicts anonymous.
I see a few new faces here this week and I must say I am very disappointed.
A woman answers a knock at the door at 3pm and a man asks if she has a vagina
She slams the door, waits and watches the man leave. The next day, at 3pm once again, she hears a knock at the door and there stood the man once more. "Do you have a vagina?" The woman slammed the door in his face and watched him walk off through the blinds. Growing more disturbed, she told her husband, who decided to take the day off work in hopes of seeing the man and handling the situation. Sure enough, the next day at 3pm, there is a knock at the door. "That's him," the wife says. The husband tells her, "Open it. I'm going to hide. I want to see where he is going with this." The woman opens the door and the man asks, "Do you have a vagina?" After some hesitation, the woman answers, "Yes." The man then tells her, "Why don't you let your husband use it so he'll leave my wife's alone?"
A mushroom walks into a bar…
The bartender says we don't serve your kind here, The mushroom says, why not? I'm a "fungi"!?
No one in Antarctica has COVID-19
It's because they are ice-o-lated.
To be quite honest, I’m not liking this sub at all…
I should have gone to Wendy's instead.
Holocaust survivor dies
He goes before God and starts telling him holocaust jokes. God says “My son I don’t know what you’re doing, but this isn’t funny.” The man says”Oh well, I guess you had to be there.”
I’m reading a book about the history of glue.
I just can't seem to put it down.
I accidentally swallowed a bunch of Scrabble tiles.
My next trip to the bathroom could spell disaster.
A judge asks a defendant to stand…
"You are charged with murdering a school teacher with a chain saw." From out of the audience a man shouts "You lying maggot!" "Silence in the court!" the judge shouted back. He turns to the defendant again and says, "You are also charged with killing a paperboy with a shovel." "You Goddamned tightwad!" blurted the spectator. "Quiet!" yelled the judge. "You are also charged with killing a mailman with an electric drill." "You cheap son of a…" the man starts to shout when the judge thunders back "If you don't tell me the reason for your outbursts right now, I will hold you in contempt!" "I've lived next to that lying maggot for ten years now, but do you think he ever had a damn tool when I needed to borrow one!" I found this and knew I had to post
What lies at the bottom of the ocean and twitches?
A nervous wreck
A man walks into a bar and it’s empty – it’s just him and the bartender.
He sits down and orders a drink. After a few seconds, he hears someone whisper, “Pssst… I like your tie.” The man looks around but doesn’t see anyone. “Pssst… that color looks nice on you.” He asks the bartender, “Excuse me, but…are you speaking to me?” The bartender rolls his eyes and says, “No, sorry about that. It’s the peanuts… they’re complimentary.”