Why did the sitcom about airplanes never take off?
it had a bad pilot
Female, because it doesn't let you finish a sentence before making a suggestion.
Cause they never meat-up. If there are any vegans reading this please don't start a beef.
Good luck with that, the floor's made of lava.
But i like to have sex on my own Accord
The German replies "Nein, just one."
The waiter stopped by their table and said "is anything ok?"
People say I'm mentally eel.
"DAD, please don…." "That's the spirit."
But then I quit cold turkey
They get really annoyed
With a pair of Ceasars.
Tech Support: Thanks for calling our repair shop, how may I help you? Customer: I unplugged my space heater and my computer said “no signal” and went black! Tech support: Does the keyboard or mouse make it turn back on? Customer: No, it doesn’t. Tech support: Did the power strip turn off? Sometimes they trip off when something like that gets unplugged. Customer: No, it’s still on, still has the green light. Tech support: Could you follow the cords on your computer and make sure none are frayed? Customer: (rustle rustle) Okay, both cords are fine. They’re good as new. Tech support: (Thinking, both cords? There should be more than 2 on a desktop) Could you tell me where the cords go? Customer: One goes to the wall, and the other one goes to the space heater. Tech support: The cord on your computer goes to the space heater? Customer: Yes. Tech support: (facepalm) Try plugging the “space heater” back in. Customer: Oh! Now the computer is working again.
They prefer cooked men
Do seahorses scallop?
Because parking is for ten ants only!
"Don't cry because it is over. Smile because it happened." -Adolf Hitler, 1945
I hope it doesn't run in the family because my dad has it too.
My friend and I frequently give conjugal visits to an all-female prison, to remind the inmates what it’s like for a selfless guy to go down on them.
It just gives us some scents of perp puss.
They weren't ready to face the Khansequences.
A Four-chin teller.
The Englishman admires it and says "Look at them, calm, reserved, and proper, they were surely English." The Frenchmen laughs and replies "They are naked and beautiful, there is no doubt they would be French." The Russian slowly shakes his head "No clothes, no house, no possessions, they have only an apple to eat, and they are told this is paradise. My friends, they are definitely Russian."
But I broke up with her because she was too kneady.
No text found
It cracks up!
He drove them nuts.
But everyone was blown away by the leaf blower.
Dad: I know, it’s because I use both of my nostrils
There was a man who was born on the fifth day of the fifth month of 1955, whose lucky number was five.
There was a man who was born on the fifth day of the fifth month of 1955, whose lucky number was five. On his birthday, he went to the racetrack and was astounded to see that in the fifth race (scheduled for five o'clock) a horse named Pentagram was running, with the odds of 55 to 1. Rushing off to the bank, the man was astonished to find he had $55,555,55 in his bank account. He withdrew the whole amount, dashed back to the races and bet all of it on Pentagram to win. Pentagram, obviously, came in fifth.